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When did “like a girl” become a put down?!

How old were you when these words were first hurdled at you as an insult? Were you 9? 13? I honestly can’t remember a time when I did not know “running like a girl”, “hitting like a girl” and “throwing like a girl” to be put downs.

We can change this. As the commercial above shows, there is a time (generally pre-teens/tweens) where kids know running “like a girl” means running fast  and “throwing like a girl” means throwing far.

Always just kicked off a campaign aimed at making sure “girls everywhere keep their confidence throughout puberty and beyond.” How? Simply put, “by showing them that doing it #LikeAGirl is an awesome thing.”

“In my work as a documentarian, I have witnessed the confidence crisis among girls and the negative impact of stereotypes first-hand,” said Lauren Greenfield, filmmaker and director of the #LikeAGirl video. “When the words ‘like a girl’ are used to mean something bad, it is profoundly disempowering. I am proud to partner with Always to shed light on how this simple phrase can have a significant and long-lasting impact on girls and women. I am excited to be a part of the movement to redefine ‘like a girl’ into a positive affirmation.”

Let’s be a part of this change starting today. Comment below and tell me (with pride) what amazing things can YOU do #likeagirl? How about your daughters, mothers, sisters, wives, neighbors, friends?

xo

Join with me and other moms here. The manual is ours to write but we don’t have to write it alone! Let’s connect on twitterfacebook and pinterest

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Training Wheels

“I can do it MYSELF!!!”

“I’m not cold!!! I don’t WANT to wear a coat.”

“That shirt is itchy and I don’t like it.”

“No…” and hides behind mom’s legs when asked to say thankyou or goodbye to Grandma.

We’ve all been to these places with our kids. Easy moments? No… not usually… but with a small change in our perspective on what might be going on inside our little ones, these challenging moments can become just a little easier to breathe into and support our kids through.

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Where do these words and behaviors come from? Is it stubbornness? Obstinence? A broken part of our kids personalities or a place we’ve failed in our parenting that’s begging to be fixed? Or maybe it’s a sign of more misbehavior to come if we don’t nip it in the bud.

Or maybe it is something else all together.

What if this defiance we are seeing is developmentally appropriate; a place our children go when they want to 1) test a theory, 2)  learn about relationships or 3) feel safe, secure and in charge?

Ahhh. Now that’s feeling a little easier to be with as a parent. Nothing’s wrong. Nothing’s broken. These are merely things I can expect from my little scientist as they learn about communication and relationships.

Knowing one’s mind. Having clear, strong opinions and voicing them in a way that others around us can hear them and be enrolled by them instead of backed up or put-off… these are some high level communication skills we’re talking about here. And skills take practice. Is it any wonder our three, four (even fourteen) year olds struggle with communicating their big feelings, especially when they run directly against the desires of their parents?

The next time your child plays out a challenging behavior that seems to come from a “strong-will”, see if you can step into the experience from their point of view. What might he or she be exploring in that moment? Questions like:

Is it safe to go against the grain?

Is it better to blend in or to be myself?

How can I make myself be seen/known/accepted?

Am I powerful?

Is the world a safe and nurturing place?

If a child has the strength to “take-on” their parents with words that defy (yes, even when it’s 38 degrees out and their inner voice says “no coat!”) how much safer will this child be in years to come? How much more likely is this child to have a voice and know how to use it…

When at age 6 she wants to draw her sky with all the colors of the rainbow though all the papers around her are clearly filled with blue skies only.

When at age 7 a teacher insists all the kids run at gym but she is starting to come down with something and doesn’t feel like running.

When at age 10 she wants to be a vegetarian — even though nobody she knows is a vegetarian.

When at age 13 a boy she likes suggests they run and play on the train tracks behind his house.

When at age 14 someone thinks having a smoke together in the basement of a friend’s house would be a fun idea.

When at age 18 all the kids her age are getting piercings.

When at age 20 the guy she just started dating begins to act jealous and controlling.

When at age 25 she considers leaving a job where she receives little credit or joy to start up her dream business.

Model the behaviors you would like to see in your kids. Teach your child how to voice their big thoughts and opinions with respect. Teach your child that “pleases” and “thank you’s” bring with them smiles and happy feelings from the people they are shared with. Model for them how to breathe when they are upset. Help them learn from experience that it is safe for them to “use their words” when they do not like what is going on. Invite them to pause and hit the reset button before acting on the many impulses that want to move their little bodies when they are filled with big feelings.

Be your child’s relationship “training wheels”. Because when you do, you give your child a great, great gift: peace-filled relationships with themselves and others, a gift they will enjoy for the rest of their lives.

xo

If you live in or about the St. Louis area, join other couples supporting one another in parenting from a place of love and respect here. I hope you join with me and other moms here because mommy-hood is just plain better when we are holding hands. Let’s connect on twitterfacebook and pinterest as well. The manual is ours to write but we don’t have to write it alone!

RELATED POSTS:

How To Be Enough

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Not Perfect Parenting

not perfect parenting

Give your family the gift of YOU. Imperfect, wonderful, awesome-sauce YOU.

xo

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When we tune in and trust, everything is possible. I hope you walk with me and other moms here because mom-hood is BETTER when we’re holding hands. Let’s connect on twitterfacebook and pinterest as well, because the manual is ours to write but we don’t have to write it alone!

RELATED POSTS:

How Parenting Helps Me Grow

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Suffering From the Terrible Two’s? Remember to BIRP

Taking Love Off The Line

 

UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.jpg

 

You love your child. Period.

I know this the same way YOU know this.

It just is. A nearly universal thing we moms all relate to. A mother’s love for her child is unconditional — the sort of love that suspends all logic.

So why?

Why do we as parents act like our love is negotiable, putting our love on the line when we’re upset?

Why do we say things to make our kids think there is any possible way that we could love them less because of their flaws? Because of their human-ness? Because of the dark, scary places that live inside of them? The places they love and trust us alone enough to show? The places they hide — from their teachers, from their friends, for fear that they’d no longer be worthy of love if someone found them out.

WHY?

We do it for that exact reason it was done to us. Because it is what we know. It is hard-wired into us. It is our knee-jerk reaction when things don’t go the way we’d like them to go. When our kids misbehave. When our kids are different. When they don’t fit into the square hole their school is pushing for them to fit into. When they don’t fit into the round hole our (generally well-meaning) parents, in-laws, friends, neighbors, doctors, etc tell us they “should” fit into.

We get triggered. We snap. We “lose it” on our kids.

It’s what we know.

But don’t we remember how it felt? That look from a parent (or a teacher or any other person of authority in our short little lives) that told us we had just completely let them down. The look that said “You, my friend, are a disappointment.”

Don’t we remember feeling the not-enoughness? Feeling, deep, in the pit of our stomachs, the I’m not good enough. I’m not smart enough. I’m not organized enough. I’m not sporty enough. I’m not social enough. I’m not outgoing enough. I’m not quiet enough. I’m not pretty enough… And on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on.

The beating ourselves up for our challenges, so much so we lost sight of our gifts?

“I can’t remember things like other people can. I don’t pay attention like other people do. I’m broken.”

Not only seeing it in their looks, but hearing it in their words.

What if, instead, we remember? Breathing. Clearing. Coming back to love.

Remembering that day when first, we locked eyes with our little one. The way we loved them then. Unconditionally. With our entire selves and everything we were. Love. More than life itself. Love.

Remembering. Our child’s innate goodness. Innate wholeness. Innate deservingness of love, not for anything they did or DO so much as just because THEY ARE.

Letting go. When old hurts creep up from the past to make their way into our ways of being today. Feeling for these moments. Watching for them. Sensing when we are about to move, are moving or have already moved off our center, triggered by something our child has said or done.

Catching these moments quicker as the weeks go by, quicker because of our growing awareness. Quicker because of grace and our breath and the support of a circle of other loving parents, equally committed the healing, growing journey that is parenthood.

Taking our love off the line.

Holding misbehavior as a sign of an un-met need and not a broken child. Using responsible, respectful, clear, consistent and firm words with our kids when met with a “teaching moment”.

“I love you but I do not love your behavior today.”

Connecting before correcting.

“Can we talk? I’m feeling very far away from you these days.”

“What do you think we could do to make mornings gentler/smoother/etc…?”

“I feel like I’m yelling at you all the time. I’m sorry I get so anxious when we’re running late. Do yo have any ideas that could help us here?”

Because really, you and me? Us — all of us — parents. We are on the same team as our kids. We’re not playing tennis, one on one, on opposite sides of the court as our children. NO. We are playing DOUBLES. TRIPLES. QUADRUPELS even. And there can many, many, many people on our same side of the court: husband’s, partner’s, teachers, doctors, etc.

We are all on the same side of the court.

The balls are flying at us, coming over that net at lightening fast speeds, and there we are, side by side, playing this game of life together… with our kids. Those balls, they’re not our kids. They’re life. Our pasts. Our fears. Other’s fears.

Tell this to your child today: “You and I? We are on the same side of the court.”

In the words you use. In the actions you take. Tell your child. Your love is theirs. Unconditionally.

It just is.

xo

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When we tune in and trust, everything is possible. I hope you walk with me and other moms here because mom-hood is BETTER when we’re holding hands. Let’s connect on twitterfacebook and pinterest as well, because the manual is ours to write but we don’t have to write it alone!

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You Know You Are A Parent When…

Ya feelin’ me?

Hope this made you giggle. (The truth is always funnier than anything we could possibly make up.)

Embracing the little moments of this day (the messy, imperfect and oh so sweet little moments…) with you.

xo

 

you know you are a parent when

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When we tune in and trust, everything is possible. I hope you walk with me and other moms here because mom-hood is BETTER when we’re holding hands. Let’s connect on twitterfacebook and pinterest as well, because the manual is ours to write but we don’t have to write it alone!

RELATED POSTS:

Suffering From the Terrible Two’s? Remember to BIRP

How Parenting Helps Me Grow

Embrace The Chaos

 

 

 

Embrace the Chaos

Want to help yourself AND your kids feel less anxious? Stop saying “oh no”. Where do these two words get us anyway? When mom-hood doesn’t go the way we’ve planned for it to go, we have a choice.... (click to read more) #positive #parenting #mindfulness #yoga #acceptance

Want to help yourself AND your kids feel less anxious? Stop saying “oh no”.

Where do these two words get us anyway? When mom-hood doesn’t go the way we’ve planned for it to go,  we have a choice. We can either go on being surprised by the chaos or we can learn to expect it.

My three year old child just cut her own hair. Today. The day before we are set to take our family Christmas photos. An ideal day for her to give herself bangs? No. But the end of the world? No again.

Did I yell at my daughter or want her to feel miserable about cutting her hair in fear she might do it again? No. Thankfully there were no tears (for her or for me :O). Did we talk about it? Sure. Do I hope she’s learned from the experience such that it doesn’t happen again (and have we cut enough paper snowflakes with safety scissors for the week?!?) You bet ‘ja.

We are not perfect. Our kids are not perfect. NO ONE IS PERFECT.

When motherhood offers up the unexpected there is really only one thing left to do.

Embrace it.

xo

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When we tune in and trust, everything is possible. I hope you walk with me and other moms here because mom-hood is BETTER when we’re holding hands. Let’s connect on twitterfacebook and pinterest as well, because the manual is ours to write but we don’t have to write it alone!

Related Articles:

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Gentle Baby Sleep Support

 

 

Think Food Doesn’t Affect Behavior? WATCH THIS.

food affects behavior

It’s no big secret: sugary junk food can make our kids bounce of the walls. But how does it affect their relationships with other kids? Their ability to work as part of a team? A group of 5-9 year old kids in Britain have the answer for us in this simple experiment that had them attending two very different parties.

Party One offered healthy snacks of apple slices, carrot sticks, sandwiches, hummus and water to drink.

Party Two offered not so healthy (but fairly standard) party food including sweets, potato chips, and soda.

After eating, both groups played the same games, and with researchers and parents on hand to observe, the FUN began.

Admittedly, research and data can be, well, boring… but not so when collected into a nice 5-6 min video!!! Check out the results for yourself; the differences in these two groups of kids as the parties unfold is remarkable. Playing games. Putting together puzzles. Running around, playing with balloons, etc. Look at the incidents of physical aggression and hyperactivity measured by researchers at these two parties. VASTLY different and yes, as expected, far more common in the Party Food Group (dark blue) than the Healthy Food Group (light blue).

Kids Behavior: Healthy Food vs Party Food Graph

In the end, the Healthy Food Group did 48% better in the games overall. That’s huge.

The question in the end comes back to us, the moms and dads and schools and caregivers.

How we are setting our kids up to win, or not?

How are the foods we give our kids preparing them to learn, grow, question, create, participate AND play with friends? How different might a pop-tart-in-the-car sort of morning be than a hot-bowl-of-oatmeal-with-bananas-on-top-at-home sort of morning?

What is your experience with various foods and your kids behavior? How do you keep things in perspective, avoiding the far too easy to fall in and bottomless pit of mama-guilt (that truly serves no-one) when it comes to this issue? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

xo

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When we follow our bliss, tune in and trust, anything and everything is possible. I hope you walk with me and other moms here because everything is BETTER when we are holding hands. Let’s share on twitterfacebook and pinterest too because the manual is ours to write but we don’t have to write it alone!!!

Other Articles:

Infant Massage for Colic 

Gentle Baby Sleep Support

Babywearing

Average Is Not What Your Baby Needs

 

 

If you look up baby sleep requirements in a parenting book, you will likely find a table like this:

Total sleep time required over a 24-hour period

• Newborn…….16-17 hours

• 1-6 months….15-16 hours

• 6-12 months…14 hours

• 1-2 years…..13-14 hours

What they don’t tell you is that baby sleep researchers are forced to base their estimates of average sleep requirements on “best guesses” and that baby sleep norms vary greatly from culture to culture, study to study.

A little know sleep tip: average is not what your baby needs.

  

Now don’t get me wrong, these “best guesses” can be very helpful. They can feel reassuring and they can help flag some of the many other issues that could be altering your baby’s sleep (the true issue needing attention) like Reflux. Digestion. Constitution. Gas. Colic. Tongue Tie. A high palate. An improper latch. Milk supply. And so on, and so on. Here’s the deal.  Norms and charts are all fine and good if you:

1) take them for what they are, averages based upon the limited data collected in order to make the assessment (not your child)

2) are NOT dealing with sleep problems.

If you are dealing with sleep problems, worries and/or big concerns about your baby’s health, it’s time to dig deeper.

My advice to parents is this: read the studies, look at the charts, ask your best friend and neighbor… and then let ALL the information you collect filter down through you. Your higher self. Your mommy intuition and wisdom.

You know your child. You know your family. You and only you are uniquely connected to this little one because YOU are MOM or co-mom or dad or maybe even Grandma. Your title, age or even your male or female-ness do not matter. If you are this one’s mother, you know it. Step into your mommy intuition. Your love and connection to this child gives you a degree no one else in the world holds. Not the researchers. Not the sleep coaches. Not even your mother in law.

This may sound hypocritical given I am a sleep consultant. But it is not. My role might be better understood if I went by Suzanne Tucker, Baby Sleep Intuition Supporter or Suzanne Tucker, Mommy Listener/Cheerleader Such That Baby Sleeps.

Because here’s the thing.

There is no manual, except the one that exists within you. Not on baby sleep. Not on potty training. Not on where to send your child to school or how to love them best.

Open yourself to your mommy intuition to guide you as you take in sleep data… or any data. What is relevant to you will make itself known. Watch for the sparks — an inner “knowing” from somewhere deep inside yourself that says, “Yes!!! This is important for my child.” or “That’s what I thought!!!” or maybe “This is worth a try. It feels right for me/my baby.”

Here is an example of how easy it is to misread research and worry because you fear your baby is not fitting into the “mold”.

Imagine you have a one month old baby who sleeps 12.5 hours per day. They are happy. They are gaining weight. You are in a grove and no it’s not easy but yes, you genuinely feel your baby is thriving. UNTIL your best friend (or doctor or mother in law or someone else) tells you they are not. They tell you your baby “should” be sleeping more. That the books say 16 hours is normal. They have you worried, but do you have cause to worry?

Let’s take a close look at the data behind the averages behind the charts in the books, for example, this study, one of the most complete baby sleep charts, published in the highly respected medical journal, Pediatrics, based on the average sleep times associated with 493 Swiss children tracked from birth (Iglowstein et al 2003). Over a 24-hour period, total sleep time averages were as follows:

Baby Sleep Chart and Averages. Be careful how you read them. As far as baby is concerned, average is over rated.

Or said another way, the average total sleep time for 493 Swiss one month old babies worked out to be between 14-15 hours. One hour less than what your friend told you was “normal”. But look closer. Only 50% of the babies actually got between 13-16 hours. ONLY 50%!!!!! 96% got between 9-19 hours. Let me put it to you visually:

Average is not what your baby needs. Baby sleep charts. Be careful how you read them.

Never give your power away.

Never. There’s a lot of information out there, but it is worthless without you and your mommy intuition filter to make sense of it all. You are this one’s mom and this is not a thing to be taken lightly. Step into your power. Listen with all of your senses. Your baby is talking to you. Source support. Quiet your mind. Follow your heart. Average is not what your baby needs. You are.

xo

—–

When we follow our bliss, tune in and trust, anything and everything is possible. I hope you walk with me and other moms here because everything is BETTER when we are holding hands. Let’s share on twitterfacebook and pinterest too because the manual is ours to write but we don’t have to write it alone!!!

Related Articles:

Infant Massage for Colic 

Gentle Baby Sleep Support

Babywearing

References:

Iglowstein I, Jenni OG, Molinari L, Largo RH. 2003. Sleep duration from infancy to adolescence: Reference values and generational trends. Pediatrics 111(2): 302-307.

The Days Are Long But The Years Are Short

 

 

To have this simple truth take hold of you somewhere deep inside your soul when your children are still small is the greatest wish I could wish for you.

This moment. This hard moment. This perfect moment. This is it.

Today, just for one minute, make an intentional effort to see the world around you through the eyes of your child. They see so much. They have so much to teach us.

xo

days long years short

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When we tune in and trust, everything is possible. I hope you’ll walk with me and other moms here because mommy-hood is BETTER when we’re holding hands. Let’s connect, here and on twitterfacebook and pinterest too. The manual is ours to write but we don’t have to write it alone. xo

 

 

There Are No Words

What does this say to you?

For me it is the wordless definition of connection. A sweet, sweet moment (I’d go so far as to say a sacred moment) of acceptance, love and peace.

This blissful state is the same space I see babes of all ages (especially newborns) moving into when they receive massage from their moms and dads. Babes, basking in the love held in a simple, shared present  moment. Love held in stillness and in touch.

Giving and receiving. Being. Connection.

xo

—–

When we follow our bliss, tune in and trust, anything and everything is possible. I hope you walk with me and other moms here because everything is BETTER when we are holding hands. Let’s share on twitterfacebook and pinterest too because the manual is ours to write but we don’t have to write it alone!!!