Wow! I have hit crazy. Not every day, not every moment but I can cry like nobody’s business so easily now. If you want to see me cry just play..Brad Paisley’s song “If He’s Anything Like Me,” make me watch an episode of “Baby Story,” , ask me one more time, “Are you ready??????” or get me talking about about sex
The sex thing is simple. I am no longer sexual. I think I can do it..and then I just over think it and lose all desire.
Even though I have kept my weight in check, I just don’t feel sexy and I can’t understand why my husband would want me. I know that sounds awful but it is so true. Not to mention it doesn’t feel good. I mean it’s kind of hard to get in that position that used to do it for you every time if you have a 6 pound baby between the two of you. And then I freak out that I will never enjoy it the same way again because people keep telling me it will never feel the same way it did before you were pregnant! Or they just laugh and say…”Sex! Who said you would have anytime to have sex?” And of course I worry he is going to get bored with me.
And that’s when the crazy kicks in… Don’t get me wrong I am sooo excited to start my family and to see Skittles but with all the excitement comes the fear of the unknown. How else will I change, will I ever be the same person again? Will I turn into a totally different person? I mean, when people keep saying, “your entire life will never be the same” I kind of get freaked out.
THAT IS WHY…I am still obsessed with my kitchen redo and making lists. I now have lists of things to do and things to pack last minute for the hospital on my phone and in my bathroom and in my hospital bag… just in case I can’t remember where the other lists are.
This whole nesting thing is just a great distraction of what is about to come. In fact, my husband and I call my Pottery Barn catalogs my porn magazines and he bought me the best kitchen porn at Lowe’s the other day! Seriously, I am can look at every page every day and never get bored…and I do look at it every day.
But no matter what happens, I will have a super cute baby to keep me company. Here is Skittles at last week’s appointment.
He doesn’t take clear pictures now that he’s almost 6 pounds. Doctor said one choroid plexus cyst is totally gone and the other is almost gone. That’s good! He also says the baby has dropped.
Oh and I cried there, too. Not when I was getting the ultrasound, when they were taking my blood pressure. Blood pressure is fine. But for some reason it just hit me that he was going to be here in a few weeks and I WASN’T READY!!
And then I went back to decorating the kitchen. I think the people at Hobby Lobby are going to start restricting me to just two trips a week. I made four picture frames, redid all of them twice and one three times! I’m only using one. I just don’t like the others at all now. I have to work on a few bare spots on the wall and then I am done. I will have that finished next week and then I will show you the before and after pictures.
Now I have to go to Hobby Lobby.. I’ have to redo the table centerpiece.
Virginia Kerr is a morning news anchor on News 4. You can watch her Monday – Friday from 5AM to 7AM.