Step 8: Finding Quiet
On Sunday evening, I was full of hate. Spit and vinegar as my “co-parent” likes to say. Yeah, a few frustrating exchanges with said “co-parent” still manage to do that to me. But as I drove to the dance, I willed myself to let go of all the crap. No luck.
I kept turning the scenario round and round in my head, trying to find some silver lining to it all. Where was the bright side? C’mon, Pollyana? What could I be thankful for? What lesson was I learning from this situation? What secondary benefit was I getting from hanging on to it; or continuing to create it?!
Not working. I just kept getting angrier and angrier!
So I got to my destination and strapped on my shoes, knowing full well that my head was everywhere but where I was. Tal walked over. I was silently praying he wouldn’t ask me — because I was tango disaster waiting to happen. I almost laughed out loud because just a few days ago, Mimi was praising me for being so grounded. Ha!
He asked. I danced. But I was still all mental somersaults. I was desperate to find some magic charm to quiet myself. A charm, yes! Like the one Tal always wears. And as I locked my focus on it, I followed Eric Maisel’s prescription: one deep breath and an incantation, “I am (inhale) stopping (exhale).”
I don’t know why I picked that one, in the middle of the dance floor!
Maybe I subconsciously recalled that in class, Tal once said, “Don’t do anything until she’s quiet.” So I knew that we wouldn’t go anywhere until I STOPPED the running around in my head.
I like to think it was Grace or Fortune that made him ask for that first dance (even though I didn’t want him to), because his energy is like a still pool. So with the quietness of his breathing and my mantra combined, my thoughts slipped away into nothing. I could close my eyes now and just BE in my body. Centered again.
Zen Mommy says, “It’s not about never losing it or being perfect. It’s about how you find your center again.” The first lesson of Yogi Parenting is CENTERING. And interestingly, Michaela focuses the questions of that lesson on the needs of the body.
What I learned is that there IS a secret key there — in my body. When a problem, dilemma, or crisis is at hand, the solution is not always in my thinking brain. As much as I was trying to solve this “problem” with my mind, the answer was not in words but in feelings. That was my goal anyway: letting go of my hating and just feeling good again.
And in the beauty of the dance I got quiet, with the help of my partner’s quietness. I had heard about this phenomena before! Becky Brittain, the Mothering Coach told me once that in a moment of conflict with your children, simply making eye contact with your spouse and parenting partner is sometimes all you need to settle yourself enough to make the right intuitive choice. Hmmm… I get that, now.
At the end of the song, Tal said “You were able to quiet yourself!”