Let’s Build Each Other Up















What was the best thing anybody said to you after you had your first baby?

Say that to new moms you know.

What was the best thing anybody did for you? Was it a friend that came over to scrub your toilets instead of coming over to hold your cute new baby? A meal dropped by without a visit attached? A card? A kind word when you nursed in public even though it was new and still uncomfortable for you?

Do that.

Was there ever a mom that listened to you complain without trying to solve your problem or make it bad or *wrong*?

Listen this way to other mothers.

Was there ever a mom that told you early on (when you thought you could do nothing right) “YOU’VE SO TOTALLY GOT THIS”?

Say this to other mothers.

Was there ever another mother that told you “Perfect is overrated” and “Don’t worry, when it comes to babies, there is no such thing as NORMAL”?

Remind other mother of this too.

Today, if you see another mother out and about, be kind. Smile at her even though you do not know her. Be for her what another mother was (or could have been) for you in those first few fragile days, weeks, months… years.

We are more connected than we are separate. Make a difference for another mother TODAY.

“We can do no great things; only small things with great love.”

– Mother Teresa






By Suzanne Tucker, co-creator of My Mommy Manual.com. Join her and other moms on this journey called motherhood, because life’s better when we hold hands.

I Don’t Want to Do Something Wrong…

My friend Desi wrote to me last night wanting thoughts on how she might best support a friend:

My girlfriend just lost her baby. She was around 27 weeks. I don’t know what I need to do. I am going to mail a card tomorrow, but I don’t want to do something wrong at this sensitive time in her life. What can I do for her?

I love my friend. She is the mom of two, her baby just months old. She has never lost a child, but in her compassion, she is reaching out to learn how she might best support her friend. This is the sort of person everyone deserves to have in their life when bad things happen. I was (am) lucky enough to have friends and family like Desi, but so, SO many are not.

Here is what I wrote back, my immediate reply to a friend asking for advice. It took me all of about 48 seconds to write… and instead of adding to it or making it pretty, I thought I’d share with you just as it was, not in spite of its unedited-ness, but because of  it. (Sometimes our heads just get in the way…)

do listen. just listening, with your whole heart, without a need to make it better or make it go away… this is the most powerful thing you can do.

do be compassionate in your listening. you do not need to have had a loss to be of comfort to her.

do tell her you are sorry. that you are thinking of her. over and over, many times. those are really the best words. you can tell her in a card, in a gift, in a phone call, in a meal you drop by.

avoid fresh flowers. they die and can be a sad reminder when eventually they need to be thrown out.

ask her how she is. talk to her about her baby and call her baby by her baby’s name.

never feel you are best not mentioning it because you don’t want to “remind her” because, trust me, she won’t have forgotten and likely she is thinking about it anyway.

do not give her advice on how to feel. ever. things like “everything happens for a reason” or “at least you have another child” or “well, your baby is in a better place.” These words ring empty and do not comfort most in their loss.

do sit with her while she cries. drive over to give her a hug if she lives in town; even if she tells you she is okay and doesn’t need you to do this, hug her.

do ask if you can buy a plant or a tree for her to plant in her babies memory so she can see it’s life cycles and remember her sweet baby angel with each passing season.

do offer to help organize the memorial service. a balloon release or something of this sort where all can remember her baby with her. lots of ideas online.

do put this on your calendar for this time next year. remember this day with her then as she will be thinking about it. it may be a tough month even. likely nobody else in her world will be remembering along with her (unless she is really good at creating this sort of support in her life) and you remembering for and with her… this is a great, great gift.

give the gift of you. your heart. your listening. your tears. your understanding. your permission for her to grieve. she may denying these very things to herself. i know i did.

you are a real gift in her life. you are a good friend to even ask.


What would you have replied? (And thank you ahead of time. I plan to add your thoughts to JOURNEY.)




PS: Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day is coming up October 15th. This might be a nice time to remember a friend’s loss for and with them.


I believe that when we follow our bliss, anything is possible. If you know what it is to lose a child, be it to miscarriage, stillbirth or early infant loss, I hope you will walk with me and other moms here, because this journey we are on is better when we are holding hands. Join and receive email support and inspiration for the journey of life after losing a child.

Thick As Thieves

I wanted to share a story about my dear friend, Julie. We met five years ago, when we found ourselves on the first day of school, dropping off our girls in Kindergarten. I’m not sure who was more nervous then, the kids or the moms!

Since then, we’ve been “thick as thieves,” as they say. We’ve shared many a laugh… like the time I dragged her to my strip aerobics class and she called me the next day to report that her a** was so sore, she could barely lower herself to the toilet seat. Hey, we’re moms. I know you’ve all done that move… snicker while you can!

We’ve also shared more serious moments, like the time I called her at 5 am saying I was leaving my marriage and needed a place to stay. Or, the day she called and told me that she had tested positive for BRCA1.

BRCA1 (and BRCA2) are tumor suppressor genes. Mutations in these genes are linked to hereditary breast and ovarian cancer. At the time, [Read more…]

How to Source Support

So you may know of my most current vision quest. I flippantly announced to my friends a couple of weeks ago that I was going into the cave! But inside, I will admit I was more than a little anxious.

As Day Five of my fast dawns, I affirm that this thing — this process is — in fact, transformational. Being so, it is incredible! But transformation is never a walk in the park. I wouldn’t recommend it without support… whether that comes for you in the form of cheerleaders, a partner, the right space and time… whatever. Part of the miracle of the journey however, is that once you set your sights on the Path, your provisions will be provided.

All of the above were sent to me, as Jen Lemen calls them, “little snacks from the Universe:” — five days in a row when my kids are being cared for by dad, people who believed in me… not only that I was capable of doing this but that it was the right time for it. And most of all, someone to do the fast with me… my sister.

A gift from The Universe [Read more…]

Month One: SUPPORT

I have been mama to one sweet baby girl and one sweet baby boy for all of 15 days. Though the main question I hear from friends and family is “How is it GOING?”, the concerned look in their eyes and the tone of their voice says something more like “How completely insane is your life these days?!@#!!!” I feel almost bad as I sit to journal with you today that I don’t have a bunch of “how-insane-my-life-is-with-newborn-twins” stories to share. Am I in denial? No. So why am I not pulling my hair out or falling down with sleep deprivation? In a word: S-U-P-P-O-R-T. My friends and family are teaching me the real meaning [Read more…]

How to Find a Sitter or Nanny

Learn the ins and outs of finding a great sitter or nanny for your family. From asking great interview questions to performing background checks, Debbie’s tips for finding a good sitter or nanny come from years of experience. Working with TLC or Kids, a premiere placement agency in St. Louis and co- creator of FindtheBestNanny.com, Debbie has been placing professional Sitters and Nannies for over a decade; not to mention she’s a mom of three children of her own under four years of age!

[Read more…]