Could Spanking Be the Answer?

© Andrew Taylor | Dreamstime Stock Photos

© Andrew Taylor | Dreamstime Stock Photos

If you spank your kids and/or you believe in spanking as a form of discipline let me say this before you read any further: 1) If we knew each other in real life, I’m guessing we’d have more in common than we wouldn’t. 2) Inspite of our differences on this topic, we can share our thoughts and experiences with love and respect. And most importantly, 3) alone we are a drop, together… an ocean. xo

After this facebook conversation on spanking, I wanted to share more in-depth on the topic with links, resources etc. I hope you find the research articles and resources listed supportive, especially if you’re having this conversation offline with friends and family. And given that per most studies 70 to 90 percent of parents hit or slap their children as a form of discipline at varying frequencies nationwide, many of us are.

If you would like to comment below, please do!!! I ask this one thing: let’s talk about the research presented and refrain from shares that start with “in my personal experience…” or “I was hit/I was never hit and I turned out okay” as these are not up for debate. Let’s do something different than what is being done on parenting boards all over the internet and have a respectful (loving? Yes!!!!) discussion. See how this can be done in the comments following this post also on the topic of spanking.

Thank you!!!

 

xo

Join with me and other moms here. The manual is ours to write but we don’t have to write it alone! Let’s connect on twitterfacebook and pinterest

RELATED POSTS:

Acceptance

Positive Parenting

Zen Mommy Minutes

REFERENCE ON SPANKING:

Business Insider

Psychology Today 

Plain Talk About Spanking

Stop Hitting

Crystal Lutton

Arms of Love Family Fellowship

Report on Physical Punishment in the United States: What Research Tells Us About Its Effects On Children

MORE RESEARCH:

Berlin, L.J., Ispa, J.M., Fine, M.A., Malone, P.S., Brooks-Gunn, J., Brady-Smith, C., et al. (2009).  Correlates and consequences of spanking and verbal punishment for low-income White, African American, and Mexican American toddlers. Child Development, 80, 1403-1420.

Gershoff, E.T. (2002). Corporal punishment by parents and association behaviors and experiences: A meta-analytic and theoretical review.Psychological Bulletin, 128, 539-579.

Gershoff, E. T. (2013). Spanking and child development: We know enough now to stop hitting our children. Child Development Perspectives, 7 (3), 133-137.

Gershoff, E.T., & Grogan-Kaylor, A. (2013). Spanking and its consequences for children: New meta-analyses and old controversies. Manuscript under review.

Gershoff, E.T., Lansford, J.E., Sexton, H.R., Davis-Kean, P.E., & Sameroff, A.J. (2012). Longitudinal links between spanking and children’s externalizing behaviors in a national sample of White, Black, Hispanic, and Asian American families. Child Development, 83, 838-843.

 

Think Food Doesn’t Affect Behavior? WATCH THIS.

food affects behavior

It’s no big secret: sugary junk food can make our kids bounce of the walls. But how does it affect their relationships with other kids? Their ability to work as part of a team? A group of 5-9 year old kids in Britain have the answer for us in this simple experiment that had them attending two very different parties.

Party One offered healthy snacks of apple slices, carrot sticks, sandwiches, hummus and water to drink.

Party Two offered not so healthy (but fairly standard) party food including sweets, potato chips, and soda.

After eating, both groups played the same games, and with researchers and parents on hand to observe, the FUN began.

Admittedly, research and data can be, well, boring… but not so when collected into a nice 5-6 min video!!! Check out the results for yourself; the differences in these two groups of kids as the parties unfold is remarkable. Playing games. Putting together puzzles. Running around, playing with balloons, etc. Look at the incidents of physical aggression and hyperactivity measured by researchers at these two parties. VASTLY different and yes, as expected, far more common in the Party Food Group (dark blue) than the Healthy Food Group (light blue).

Kids Behavior: Healthy Food vs Party Food Graph

In the end, the Healthy Food Group did 48% better in the games overall. That’s huge.

The question in the end comes back to us, the moms and dads and schools and caregivers.

How we are setting our kids up to win, or not?

How are the foods we give our kids preparing them to learn, grow, question, create, participate AND play with friends? How different might a pop-tart-in-the-car sort of morning be than a hot-bowl-of-oatmeal-with-bananas-on-top-at-home sort of morning?

What is your experience with various foods and your kids behavior? How do you keep things in perspective, avoiding the far too easy to fall in and bottomless pit of mama-guilt (that truly serves no-one) when it comes to this issue? I’d love to hear your thoughts.

xo

—–

When we follow our bliss, tune in and trust, anything and everything is possible. I hope you walk with me and other moms here because everything is BETTER when we are holding hands. Let’s share on twitterfacebook and pinterest too because the manual is ours to write but we don’t have to write it alone!!!

Other Articles:

Infant Massage for Colic 

Gentle Baby Sleep Support

Babywearing

Average Is Not What Your Baby Needs

 

 

If you look up baby sleep requirements in a parenting book, you will likely find a table like this:

Total sleep time required over a 24-hour period

• Newborn…….16-17 hours

• 1-6 months….15-16 hours

• 6-12 months…14 hours

• 1-2 years…..13-14 hours

What they don’t tell you is that baby sleep researchers are forced to base their estimates of average sleep requirements on “best guesses” and that baby sleep norms vary greatly from culture to culture, study to study.

A little know sleep tip: average is not what your baby needs.

  

Now don’t get me wrong, these “best guesses” can be very helpful. They can feel reassuring and they can help flag some of the many other issues that could be altering your baby’s sleep (the true issue needing attention) like Reflux. Digestion. Constitution. Gas. Colic. Tongue Tie. A high palate. An improper latch. Milk supply. And so on, and so on. Here’s the deal.  Norms and charts are all fine and good if you:

1) take them for what they are, averages based upon the limited data collected in order to make the assessment (not your child)

2) are NOT dealing with sleep problems.

If you are dealing with sleep problems, worries and/or big concerns about your baby’s health, it’s time to dig deeper.

My advice to parents is this: read the studies, look at the charts, ask your best friend and neighbor… and then let ALL the information you collect filter down through you. Your higher self. Your mommy intuition and wisdom.

You know your child. You know your family. You and only you are uniquely connected to this little one because YOU are MOM or co-mom or dad or maybe even Grandma. Your title, age or even your male or female-ness do not matter. If you are this one’s mother, you know it. Step into your mommy intuition. Your love and connection to this child gives you a degree no one else in the world holds. Not the researchers. Not the sleep coaches. Not even your mother in law.

This may sound hypocritical given I am a sleep consultant. But it is not. My role might be better understood if I went by Suzanne Tucker, Baby Sleep Intuition Supporter or Suzanne Tucker, Mommy Listener/Cheerleader Such That Baby Sleeps.

Because here’s the thing.

There is no manual, except the one that exists within you. Not on baby sleep. Not on potty training. Not on where to send your child to school or how to love them best.

Open yourself to your mommy intuition to guide you as you take in sleep data… or any data. What is relevant to you will make itself known. Watch for the sparks — an inner “knowing” from somewhere deep inside yourself that says, “Yes!!! This is important for my child.” or “That’s what I thought!!!” or maybe “This is worth a try. It feels right for me/my baby.”

Here is an example of how easy it is to misread research and worry because you fear your baby is not fitting into the “mold”.

Imagine you have a one month old baby who sleeps 12.5 hours per day. They are happy. They are gaining weight. You are in a grove and no it’s not easy but yes, you genuinely feel your baby is thriving. UNTIL your best friend (or doctor or mother in law or someone else) tells you they are not. They tell you your baby “should” be sleeping more. That the books say 16 hours is normal. They have you worried, but do you have cause to worry?

Let’s take a close look at the data behind the averages behind the charts in the books, for example, this study, one of the most complete baby sleep charts, published in the highly respected medical journal, Pediatrics, based on the average sleep times associated with 493 Swiss children tracked from birth (Iglowstein et al 2003). Over a 24-hour period, total sleep time averages were as follows:

Baby Sleep Chart and Averages. Be careful how you read them. As far as baby is concerned, average is over rated.

Or said another way, the average total sleep time for 493 Swiss one month old babies worked out to be between 14-15 hours. One hour less than what your friend told you was “normal”. But look closer. Only 50% of the babies actually got between 13-16 hours. ONLY 50%!!!!! 96% got between 9-19 hours. Let me put it to you visually:

Average is not what your baby needs. Baby sleep charts. Be careful how you read them.

Never give your power away.

Never. There’s a lot of information out there, but it is worthless without you and your mommy intuition filter to make sense of it all. You are this one’s mom and this is not a thing to be taken lightly. Step into your power. Listen with all of your senses. Your baby is talking to you. Source support. Quiet your mind. Follow your heart. Average is not what your baby needs. You are.

xo

—–

When we follow our bliss, tune in and trust, anything and everything is possible. I hope you walk with me and other moms here because everything is BETTER when we are holding hands. Let’s share on twitterfacebook and pinterest too because the manual is ours to write but we don’t have to write it alone!!!

Related Articles:

Infant Massage for Colic 

Gentle Baby Sleep Support

Babywearing

References:

Iglowstein I, Jenni OG, Molinari L, Largo RH. 2003. Sleep duration from infancy to adolescence: Reference values and generational trends. Pediatrics 111(2): 302-307.