… and still be raising kids!
No, I did not just escape from Alcatraz…but for some reason, people keeping telling me I’m a free woman. Free? Well, I don’t know about that, but I did just send my youngest off to her first day of Kindergarten. It’s this concept of freedom that I haven’t been able to get off my mind all week as I’ve been told repeatedly, from some of my best friends even, that I am now officially a “free woman”.
“You must have a lot of time on your hands!”…that’s another one I’m hearing a lot of lately. Freedom and time…time and freedom. I think this freedom everyone keeps telling me I have now is really all about what they perceive as me having “more” time than before. It’s like I’ve moved into a new time zone with perpetual day light savings time where I get an extra hour or two…but every day. Or at the very least, on Monday through Friday!
Ummm….time on my hands? I don’t know about you…but time isn’t something I don’t typically complain of having an over abundance of. Even with both kids now in school, my time is readily filled with people to see, places to go…things to do. But what if now that both my kids were in school I could hit this magic button and start to move through the world feeling like I had all the time in the world; a FREE woman? I think I’d hit that button. SO this got me to thinking, who do I know that really does live this way…magic button or not? And the answer made me laugh out loud. Just about every baby, 1, 2, 3, or even 4 year old I’ve ever met knows how to live this way (that is…before we train them to run around quickly like little busy ants).
You know what I’m talking about. Remember the last time you looked at the clock and realized you were supposed to be somewhere 5 minutes ago??? Remember how your pleas to get going fell upon deaf ears as your child continued to do what he or she was doing…fully engrossed in the present moment? They might have been building a lego creation, scribbling with crayons or just generally figuring out how the world works by opening and closing a low cabinet door in the kitchen, pulling all your Tupperware onto the floor. But your little zen-master could not be swayed. For all your begging and explaining…maybe even for all your empty threats of leaving without them…they could not be convinced that it was time to go. In fact, it was PAST time to go. Though it seemed perfectly clear to you that there was just NOT ENOUGH TIME, your child sat there playing contently, engaged in his or her world in the present moment without a care in the world. Why couldn’t they understand that you HAD TO GET GOING?!?
And then it dawned on me. My girls have had this freedom thing figured out right from the start. And maybe over the past 8 years of me being a parent..instead of me raising my girls, living, laughing, loving, going on fun and creative outings, singing, dancing, playing, having picnics in the park…maybe THEY have been raising me. Maybe they have been readying ME for this day when they were both old enough for all day school. Maybe, just maybe my girls have been my teacher, my nurturer…my guide in this world. It seems so evident now. They have been modeling for me in all their sweet and sometimes infuriating little kid ways, the key to happiness and freedom. In all the ways they lived as I moved sometimes hurriedly through the world, they were patiently showing me how to be more like my true self. My children have been modeling this for me since their birth…how to be present and mindful.
I imagine my youngest, Morgan, watching me this past May when we I took her to see her new school. She was there to take a pre-K screening test and to meet Ms. Callanan who would be her Kindergarten teacher in the fall. I imagine her wondering, “Is my mommy is really ready? Can I trust her to stay in the present moment? What if she forgets to enjoy every breath of every day even if I’m not standing there right next to her to remind her?!? And who is going to slow her down long enough to stop and smell the roses??! What if my mommy forgets everything my sister Reilly and I have taught her over the past 8 years and she starts to run around like a crazy person with her head cut off, trying to get too many things done in all her free-time without me???
I admit that in the past and the pretty recent present…and most likely in the near future…I have suffered from severe attacks of MAJGDTMS Syndrome, also known as the Multitasking and Just Generally Doing Too Much Syndrome. But now my youngest is off to Kindergarten I am left on my own to remember the many lessons my daughters have been teaching me all these years. I want to make them proud. I feel myself testing the waters, taking baby steps, attempting to see the world and move through it with the mind of a child. Yesterday I walked to Yoga instead of driving.
Can you imagine, I have been driving to yoga class all of these years and the studio is just around the corner? I did this because it just seemed to be the practical thing to do. Driving saved time on the way there and then when class was over, I could get right back to my busy and fast paced life because my car was just outside waiting for when I left my yoga class.
Today I ate my lunch without talking on the phone, opening the mail, or typing on the computer. I just sat and ate, no radio and no TV. I sat and ate in a quiet room, enjoying each bite. I sat and breathed and felt connected to myself and the world around…opps…gotta cut this short. For real. I just noticed the time and was supposed to leave to pick up my kids from school 5 minutes ago.
Give me a few years…my youngest just started kindergarten.
In addition to mommying to two magical girls born in 2000 and 2003, Suzanne owns a holistic health center in St. Louis, Missouri where she practices as a physical therapist, Certified Infant Massage Instructor and health education teacher. Certified in a number of healing and life education approaches, Suzanne offers life coaching as Zen Mommy Coach.