In civilized life domestic hatred usually expresses itself by saying things which would seem quite harmless on paper (the words are not offensive) but in such a voice, or at such a moment, that they are not far short of a blow in the face.
– C.S. Lewis, The Screwtape Letters
We KNOW this to be true, don’t we? The exasperation in our voices as we tell our child for the umpteenth time to BRUSH YOUR TEEEEEETH! Or for the love of all things holy, could you remember to put the tooth paste cap on??!
This is the point when we think to ourselves, “When did I turn into my mother?!” Aaaargh. (no offense, mom!)
As C.S. Lewis knows fully well, it’s habitual incidents like this that chip away at our domestic relationships, create the Mommy Guilt, and build resentment between us and the ones we love most in the world. But what recourse do we have, considering that part of our responsibility in raising these small beings is making sure that they make it to semi-adulthood with most of their teeth intact?!
I have this alternative to offer: disengage from the power struggle. It’s not the words themselves but the tone. So how does one deliver the words without the tone? Use signs. Wha? (VIDEO 1:13)
This is a technique that I learned in the Yoga Parenting lesson on Boundaries. [Read more…]