Time to Mourn

Today I mourn.

I set down my coffee, turn on cartoons for my two year old twins, move into a different room and I cry.

“Soldier on. Get back to life. Let it roll off. Carry on.

Those are all things we’re told to do by parents, coworkers, friends, society, and more. It starts young.

We skin our knee, our dog dies, an uncle passes. Carry on. Keep your chin up.

Today I don’t want to lift my head, square my chin, and move forward.

I want to stop, mourning the loss of life and the insanity of it all.

I want to stop, considering these children, their friends, school staff, and parents. Beyond that, the impact to all involved.For a moment, let’s stand still, bow our heads, and mourn. The world won’t stop because we take that time out.

If you pray, pray; if you cry, cry; if you dance, dance.


These words come to me from a friend on Facebook. They say everything my heart aches to say.
Today as you move through life, I hope you will tear a page out of my friend Todd’s manual and simply allow yourself the space and time to mourn.


I am not the same person I was before miscarriage, before our angel babies Leo, Mary, Tucker, Lily and Nina forever rocked my world.

I feel my angel babies making a difference every time I sit down to write to you.

I feel them in my heart when my second daughter tells me how she feels her angel brothers and sisters are looking out for her.

I feel them when our eldest daughter, now twelve, draws her family portrait at school with me, her dad, her two sisters and brother and herself surrounded by five cupcake stickers; the stickers she only later tells me are her angel brothers and sisters.

And I feel them when, last month, celebrating fifteen years of marriage, I experienced a love there between my husband and I, stronger in spite of (or maybe even because of) the times we pushed away from one another, grieving so much loss together but more often, separately.

I am remembering my baby angels today, something I usually do privately or maybe here with you or with other angel mamas; but today I will do this publicly, with friends and family and some that may not quite understand why.

I will do this because October 15th is a day for the world to remember angel babies and the ones they left behind, that we may know we are not alone.

If you have lost a child, know that I and many, many others are remembering with you today. We want to wrap you in love and light. We want to listen to you. We want to say your baby’s name aloud.

Write your angels name below and we will say it aloud with you, that all those that come here know, your angel is remembered.



By Suzanne Tucker, co-creator of My Mommy Manual.com. Join her and other moms on this journey called motherhood, because life’s better when we hold hands.