Not For a Reason

I do not believe that everything happens for a reason. I used to say this, but I don’t anymore.

If everything happens for a reason, would it not follow that there is but one reason for the things that happen? What if my reason and your reason don’t match? Who gets to name it?

How can we apply reason to all the unreasonable things that happen in this world and to what purpose?

For most all of us who have lost a child, these words ring empty. Though meant to comfort, they leave us with more questions than answers, directing us in our grief to search our minds for what possible reason could exist to explain our pain.

Rather, I would offer that everything in life can have meaning. Why get stuck thinking about reason when we can turn to the heart of the matter for meaning instead? In meaning, we can have endless interpretations; my meaning different that your meaning, though neither one right or wrong in the naming of it.

For me and in my life, even the most tragic of events have had the power to draw me deeper into the fullness of life. In each, I have found meaning.

How about you? What do you believe?

To join other mothers walking with loss, click here.


By Suzanne Tucker, co-creator of My Mommy Join her and other moms on this journey called motherhood, because life’s better when we hold hands.


  1. This is quite a profound way of looking at life, I think. I wish I had thought of this possible explanation than simply relying on the possibility that there *must* be a reason for the this or that. And that the reason might possibly be that I’d done something wrong somewhere down the line that thus caused my cosmic punishment.

    Something let my mind handle for a bit…


  2. I couldn’t find a meaning yet….
    but I keep trying …
    I ask myself if I’m right to keep thinking of having another baby…. if I deserve that… or if i’ve been punished for some reason… i don’t know…
    but i’ll try to find the meaning and maybe that help me …
    thank you for your message… I love to read what you write..
    love, dani


    Zen Mommy Reply:

    Some things are mysteries… and that is okay. I’m sorry for your losses. The world around us is often uncomfortable allowing for the many mysteries of life. Much of suffering cannot be made sense of — cannot be reasoned away by what other people tell us. Keep asking the questions Dani. They (and you) are powerful. xo


  3. We honor those who accompany us in life – no matter how much time they have spent with us – when we recognize the purpose of their being.


    Zen Mommy Reply:

    diane, you are so gifted with words. may i please quote you on this sentiment? beautifully said… thank you friend.


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