I had two blessed children on Earth and five in heaven. Five miscarriages, and yet, I was not prepared to close my heart to the whispers I’d received all along the way that I was to have another child. It didn’t make sense to anyone around me (except my husband and our children) but that’s okay. It doesn’t have to.
After losing our fifth baby, I still felt called to mother another, but had trouble trusting myself and the whispers I believed to be Spirit. Maybe I was making this whole thing up! How could I know what to do or where to go? Instead of trying to figure it out, I turned the whole thing over.
If there was anything my experiences with loss had taught me, it was that I was not driving. If we were to get pregnant again, it would not be because of my efforts to make it happen. I wouldn’t make it not happen either. My husband and I were open to a baby, but this time it would be up to Spirit. We would not try but we would not NOT-try if you get my drift.
After a year of this “turning it over” I had come to accept, another child I would not have. It was then we learned, we were pregnant.
Eight weeks into this pregnancy we discovered our baby was not one but two. Two babies!!! I was pregnant with twins.
This is my pregnancy journal. It was a pregnancy filled with signs. Whispers from the other side I think, to bring me much needed peace of mind to carry these two with joy despite all we had experienced with loss. The signs began the day I found out there were two in there and they didn’t stop until the day they were safely in my arms.
If you know what it is to lose a baby and are thinking of becoming pregnant again or are pregnant now, I pray you find a peace deep within you to follow your heart where ever it wants to take you.
Miracles do happen. We can find peace for the journey. I am here, for and with you, holding a space of love that you may find the courage to go where it is your heart wants to take you. There is no one right answer. There is no one right way to go. Tune in and trust whatever you find there.
39 Weeks : We Are So Blessed
37 Weeks : Crystal Ball
36 Weeks : Pre-Birth ENERGY
35 Weeks : House Arrest
34 Weeks : Like “Cantaloupes”
33 Weeks : Blessingways and Birth
32 Weeks : Other New Moms & Icing
31 Weeks : Newborn Baby Checklists
30 Weeks : Sage “New-Mom” Advice from a Friend
29 Weeks : Placental Encapsulation
28 Weeks : Pregnancy Calf Cramps to Wake the DEAD
27 Weeks : Holiday Maternity Fashion Tips
26 Weeks : The Nursery
25 Weeks : Back to Baby Names
24 Weeks : Cord Blood
23 Weeks : Baby Fat
22 Weeks : Baby(s) Moving! Time for Belly Massage
21 Weeks : Flu Bug
20 Weeks : Parents As Teachers
19 Weeks : Sleep
18 Weeks : Breastfeeding
17 Weeks : Childbirth
16 Weeks : Sex of the Babies. We’re having…
15 Weeks : Baby name Game
14 Weeks : Prenatal Yoga
13 Weeks : Mindful Nesting
12 Weeks : My Changing Pregnant Body
And finally, the birth of our baby girl and baby boy.
Thank you Spirit.
Suzanne Tucker, aka Zen Mommy
In addition to mommying to two magical girls born in 2000 and 2003 and twins born in 2010, Suzanne owns a holistic health center in St. Louis, Missouri where she practices as a physical therapist, Certified Infant Massage Instructor and health education teacher. Certified in a number of healing and life education approaches, Suzanne is a Co-creator of My Mommy Manual and the online parenting course, Yoga Parenting.