Comments on: How to Teach Unconditional Love http://mymommymanual.com/how-to-teach-unconditional-love/ Parenting Classes | Parenting Classes| Connecting Moms with Practical and Inspired Tips Sun, 14 Mar 2010 00:56:22 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.1 hourly 1 By: Practical Mommy http://mymommymanual.com/how-to-teach-unconditional-love/comment-page-1/#comment-103 Practical Mommy Sat, 13 Dec 2008 22:59:43 +0000 http://mymommymanual.com/?p=86#comment-103 Julie, thank YOU for the confirmation... of why I do what I do! :) Julie, thank YOU for the confirmation… of why I do what I do! :)

]]> By: Julie http://mymommymanual.com/how-to-teach-unconditional-love/comment-page-1/#comment-102 Julie Sat, 13 Dec 2008 21:40:13 +0000 http://mymommymanual.com/?p=86#comment-102 I needed this right now. Thank you. I needed this right now. Thank you.

]]> By: Practical Mommy http://mymommymanual.com/how-to-teach-unconditional-love/comment-page-1/#comment-85 Practical Mommy Sat, 06 Dec 2008 07:04:55 +0000 http://mymommymanual.com/?p=86#comment-85 @Tara and @Becky, thanks for weighing in... cool. I know some stuff. :) But you experts say it so well!!! And @Callie, I think YOUR answer is right there in Becky's comment... breathe! No, seriously. There probably is this vicious cycle going on with the mirror thing, wherein a pattern has been established. Your 4-year old knows she can get your attention, albeit negative attention with this little game. Maybe you really can make it a game... be playful... make your own faces, but make them funny and have fun with it. I know it's tough to do at the end of the day, especially, but we all have choices. The alternative is escalation. And it's at that moment when we can CHOOSE (you know, <em>love or fear</em>... the ongoing spiritual battle, even the small ones make a difference in creating a peaceful world. Right, Tara?) It takes PRACTICE. For me, scripting what I would do in hypothetical situations, <em>before</em> they occur helps center me when they actually happen. It also helps to have a partner/spouse that centers you. I think this actually has some scientific explanation... maybe Becky can provide more enlightenment on that. And Tara, I LOVE that you mention taking care of yourself first. Isn't that TRUTH?! The only effective teaching/guiding is through modeling... self-regulation and anything else. The answer is self-love... improving and appreciating YOURSELF! Your kids learn from your choices and your energy. If you are angry, bitter, resentful or even just plain unhappy and dissatisfied with yourself... expect the EXACT mirror from your kids. Don't give them anything that you are not willing to give FREELY... it just comes back to bite you... right in the backside! @Tara and @Becky, thanks for weighing in… cool. I know some stuff. :) But you experts say it so well!!!

And @Callie, I think YOUR answer is right there in Becky’s comment… breathe! No, seriously. There probably is this vicious cycle going on with the mirror thing, wherein a pattern has been established. Your 4-year old knows she can get your attention, albeit negative attention with this little game. Maybe you really can make it a game… be playful… make your own faces, but make them funny and have fun with it.

I know it’s tough to do at the end of the day, especially, but we all have choices. The alternative is escalation. And it’s at that moment when we can CHOOSE (you know, love or fear… the ongoing spiritual battle, even the small ones make a difference in creating a peaceful world. Right, Tara?)

It takes PRACTICE. For me, scripting what I would do in hypothetical situations, before they occur helps center me when they actually happen. It also helps to have a partner/spouse that centers you. I think this actually has some scientific explanation… maybe Becky can provide more enlightenment on that.

And Tara, I LOVE that you mention taking care of yourself first. Isn’t that TRUTH?! The only effective teaching/guiding is through modeling… self-regulation and anything else. The answer is self-love… improving and appreciating YOURSELF! Your kids learn from your choices and your energy. If you are angry, bitter, resentful or even just plain unhappy and dissatisfied with yourself… expect the EXACT mirror from your kids. Don’t give them anything that you are not willing to give FREELY… it just comes back to bite you… right in the backside!

]]> By: Callie Oppenheimer http://mymommymanual.com/how-to-teach-unconditional-love/comment-page-1/#comment-84 Callie Oppenheimer Sat, 06 Dec 2008 03:52:35 +0000 http://mymommymanual.com/?p=86#comment-84 I JUST had this conversation last night, and got the feedback that I was being "mean" to my daughter, who's almost 4. She has the uncanny ability to pick a tiny variation from her routine and spin completely out of control about it, and it makes me CRAZY. My biggest pet peeve is that she tends to wind herself up the most when looking in a MIRROR - acting on the immediate feedback loop. Any help with that, Practical Mommy? :) I feel myself getting tense and fearful as soon as it starts, and the quickest way I've found out of these escalations is to offer a stern choice (e.g., "get control or the ___ toy goes away....") As I suspect, she usually shuts down the behavior immediately, but reading this article I KNOW it does not shut down her need. By the time of evening these things usually happen, both of us are exhausted, and want the kids in bed. And it's so OBVIOUS she's sensing that I am detaching from her, and acting out negatively in order to maintain my attention! Such great advice - sono grata! :) I JUST had this conversation last night, and got the feedback that I was being “mean” to my daughter, who’s almost 4. She has the uncanny ability to pick a tiny variation from her routine and spin completely out of control about it, and it makes me CRAZY.

My biggest pet peeve is that she tends to wind herself up the most when looking in a MIRROR – acting on the immediate feedback loop. Any help with that, Practical Mommy? :)

I feel myself getting tense and fearful as soon as it starts, and the quickest way I’ve found out of these escalations is to offer a stern choice (e.g., “get control or the ___ toy goes away….”)

As I suspect, she usually shuts down the behavior immediately, but reading this article I KNOW it does not shut down her need. By the time of evening these things usually happen, both of us are exhausted, and want the kids in bed. And it’s so OBVIOUS she’s sensing that I am detaching from her, and acting out negatively in order to maintain my attention!

Such great advice – sono grata! :)

]]> By: Becky Brittain ,Ph.D., DT.R http://mymommymanual.com/how-to-teach-unconditional-love/comment-page-1/#comment-83 Becky Brittain ,Ph.D., DT.R Sat, 06 Dec 2008 03:02:54 +0000 http://mymommymanual.com/?p=86#comment-83 Practical mommy knows her stuff! A ll babies and kids deserve conscious parenting! That means that it is each parent's job to become self aware and to learn "response-ability". Most times when your children are acting out it is because they are feeling and reacting in the moment to their own parent's upset! If you calm down and breathe , the entire vibe changes and everyone wins. You are teaching your child how to self-regulate. Acknowledging that misbehavior is a bid for your attention and naming it as suggested in this article is a key parenting tool. Learning how to communicate clearly and authentically is a parenting skill that serves you and your family. I am the Director of the Conscious Parenting Center in St. Louis. I teach the PARENT TALK SYSTEM developed by Chick Moorman. I encourage the art of compassionate relating which follow as from the parental model. This is an excellent article!!!! Practical mommy knows her stuff!
A ll babies and kids deserve conscious parenting! That means that it is each parent’s job to become self aware and to learn “response-ability”. Most times when your children are acting out it is because they are feeling and reacting in the moment to their own parent’s upset! If you calm down and breathe , the entire vibe changes and everyone wins. You are teaching your child how to self-regulate. Acknowledging that misbehavior is a bid for your attention and naming it as suggested in this article is a key parenting tool. Learning how to communicate clearly and authentically is a parenting skill that serves you and your family. I am the Director of the Conscious Parenting Center in St. Louis. I teach the PARENT TALK SYSTEM developed by Chick Moorman. I encourage the art of compassionate relating which follow as from the parental model. This is an excellent article!!!!

]]> By: Tara S. Dickherber, M.Ed, CPC http://mymommymanual.com/how-to-teach-unconditional-love/comment-page-1/#comment-82 Tara S. Dickherber, M.Ed, CPC Sat, 06 Dec 2008 02:09:36 +0000 http://mymommymanual.com/?p=86#comment-82 Yes, Yes, Yes! As a life coach I'm always promoting self-focus and creating space to decrease reactivity. We are the people our children model their behavior after. So many "parenting styles" are about getting our children to behave well, yet those "parenting techniques" don't reflect on the HUGE impact we have on our children. Each moment, every day is a teaching moment, and a chance to connect deeply to our children. We live in an instant gratification society, we want our children to obey Right Now! That type of parenting usually leads to poor long term relationships with the munchkins we love so dearly. It all starts with taking care of ourselves, first and foremost. I am a Certified ScreamFree Parent Leader and this is what we practice and teach. Parenting is about parents and what we need to do to create space so that we can alleviate that universal parenting anxiety. It's that parenting anxiety that creates frustration and discord in the relationships we have with our children. We need more forward thinking, open minded parents to create a more peaceful planet! Yes, Yes, Yes! As a life coach I’m always promoting self-focus and creating space to decrease reactivity. We are the people our children model their behavior after. So many “parenting styles” are about getting our children to behave well, yet those “parenting techniques” don’t reflect on the HUGE impact we have on our children. Each moment, every day is a teaching moment, and a chance to connect deeply to our children. We live in an instant gratification society, we want our children to obey Right Now! That type of parenting usually leads to poor long term relationships with the munchkins we love so dearly. It all starts with taking care of ourselves, first and foremost. I am a Certified ScreamFree Parent Leader and this is what we practice and teach. Parenting is about parents and what we need to do to create space so that we can alleviate that universal parenting anxiety. It’s that parenting anxiety that creates frustration and discord in the relationships we have with our children. We need more forward thinking, open minded parents to create a more peaceful planet!

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