How to Open Your Windows and Doors


I had a little freak out last night, folks. A completely irrational/completely emotional (whichever way you want to look at it) reaction to an external circumstance. I discovered that someone that I feel I am in complete dis-harmony with was encroaching on my personal space, my “safe place.” I surprised myself at how angry I got. I got so angry that I actually went back and made a comment on Zen Mommy’s post on Accepting the Unacceptable. My #themeword is AUTHENTICITY and here was someone who represents everything spurious… a lie… a fake… that which I name as the most unacceptable, coming into MY SPACE. And bless her, ZM called me with some of her wisdom… “Whatever this triggers in you is what you get to forgive.”


I pondered this all night. Why did it push my buttons? Why did I react in this way? This morning, I had a couple of curious messages from a twitter acquaintance who was expressing a similar emotion about a completely unrelated circumstance. She was feeling threatened too! She was feeling a need to protect a space that she perceived was hers to “own.” I saw… in her, the mirror. I saw in her insecurity, my own insecurity and how unfounded it was. I wanted to hug her and tell her that there was no need to feel threatened or insecure about her relationships. I wanted to share with her what I know, which is that we don’t own other people or how they choose to be “in relationship” with us or others. And that if we have… faith, in those relationships and not hold onto them so tightly, then we give them the space to flourish.

Guess what? That was MY lesson. In the light of morning, I could see clearly that the threat I had perceived was just that, my perception. I picked up my Pema Chodron book and opened it to page 174, which reads, “…you feel that the way to health and becoming a complete human being is to no longer hold so tightly to yourself. You can become a refugee because when you aren’t afraid of yourself, you don’t feel like you need a protected place to hide in.” I don’t have to limit my authenticity to this circle of friends. I can step out into the whole world with it because as Zen Mommy reminded me, “You are loved and live in love and the world is a safe place for you.”

Chodron says that the bodhisattva vow is about opening the windows and doors to invite everyone in as your guests. The only way to “wake up” further is to stop trying to protect yourself but open up to whatever/whoever comes. And ZM was right, whoever comes… even the “unacceptable”… especially the unacceptable in myself… is what I get to forgive!

It’s spring, my friends. Let’s open up those windows and doors! Are YOU ready to welcome whoever shows up?

Related Articles:
How to Love Your Demons

Practical Mommy is Ria Sharon. Click the links for Practical Mommy’s recommendations for pregnancy and exercise, travel car seats, affordable and fun diaper bags (skip hop bag), and the best-selling crib brand, Da Vinci Crib.


  1. Ria, this is a lovely post and speaks to something I am going through right now too. Not so much someone encroaching on my safe place, but someone triggering a reaction that I have to step back and look at and say ‘Why is this affecting me this way?’ I haven’t quite gotten to the point where I can stop obsessing, but at least I think I know why I’m obsessing. Anyway, nice post and nice job working through this so quickly.


  2. I was hoping that it wasn’t completely self-indulgent so thanks for the *godwink* that I wrote it for a reason! 🙂 To give credit where credit is due… I did have good ears to help me work through it. @ZenMommy @blueskydrive @johnhaydon It’s great to have a posse! All 3 gave me wise counsel to re-direct my focus “within.”

    I have to thank @blueskydrive especially for reminding me that “true neutral” is a tall mountain and perhaps the summit is not as breathtaking as the journey.

    “Why” is a powerful question.


  3. Everything I need to know I learned playing D&D? Perhaps not. I believe that the most human part of climbing the mountain is the necessary downtrip back to camp to tell our friends about the climb.

    Glad to be part of the posse.

  4. I’m really good about telling all my friends! Oh… and I have to add @creativille to my posse.

  5. hey ria. thanks for sharing, sweetie. i wanted to share this web page for anyone readig this and wanting to take on forgivenss at the level you are here 🙂 loving the self, loving others…all coming from forgiveness. visit dr. michael ryce offers a wonderful forgivenss worksheet…a valuable tool for all.