Let’s play a game and see if we can make this happen by the time you are done reading this article. It’s a fill in the blank type game. Read the following question and answer it off the top of your head. Be as specific as you can and really do write this down:
If I could have just one thing I REALLY WANT right now, it would be:
(Fill in the blank here!)
Awesome. Now think for a moment why you want this. Will it bring you peace, joy or happiness? Usually yes, it would help bring some form of one of these three words. Which one of these is it for you? Or is there something else that has you wanting this besides peace, joy and happiness? Think about this for a minute and when you have it boiled down to one word or a short phrase, answer the following:
If I get what I REALLY WANT (line one), I will feel/be:
(Fill in the blank here!)
OK. Now repeat after me, “I let go of my need to have (fill in line one here).” Yes, that’s right, fill in exactly what you had written on the first line. “What, you’re CRAZY lady.” Humor me, please. If we are going to get you what you want most in the world by the end of this article, we do not have a lot of time.
Now read what you just wrote aloud. “I let go of the need to have (line one) no matter how good of a thing it is or how much I want it in my life.” This is where I earn my pen name. The game may seem a little abstract right now, I know, but keep playing. I really want you to have the thing you want most in your life by the time you are done reading this.
I am talking about the thing you wrote on line two though, not line one.
Let me state here clearly, for the record, it is not either bad or wrong for us to want line one. Most of the time, we have to want these things and work very hard to create the things we want most in our lives. I know. And your line one, the thing you want most is most likely a very good thing. You may not even want a thing so much as for something good to happen, like for cancer to go away, for forgiveness to occur, or for yourself or a friend to be able to conceive a child. Having a strong desire for something is not a bad thing. Wanting is not bad. It’s when we give the thing we want so much the power to dictate how we feel or how we are in our lives, day in and day out, that this wanting can get in the way.
Let me share this with you on a more personal level. For the past three years, if I had been playing this game, my line one would have been “to have a third child”. My line two, to feel/be “at peace“.
After years of discontent, not achieving my line one, and after five miscarriages full of pain, it finally dawned on me. The state of my heart is not dictated by the circumstances of my life. We can have line two without having to have line one!!! I could be content, full of love and joy in my life, and at the very same time be experiencing the pain and loss of miscarriage.
It’s an awareness I was given the morning our angel, baby Nina, made her way out of this world. It was a beautiful day and I was filled with peace, even as I feared the worse. Nina gave me this gift. By letting go of my need for a third child in order to feel content, I received a great gift, contentment. It happened in a moment. Contentment. Not if I had a third child but whether or not I did. Does this mean the wanting for line one to happen in our lives will go away? No, at least not for me. But wanting isn’t such a bad thing. It’s when we put wanting in the way of being that we get into trouble.
If we can give up the need for line one, we open ourselves up to the possibility of having what it is we really want, line two. I know it may be a stretch, but try it on for size. Say, it aloud: I can have (fill in line two) in my life right now, with my life exactly as it is.
It’s a pretty great consolation prize. You can have line two right now, in this moment. For me, it was the grace to accept what is in my life rather than how I’d have it be…contentment. What is it for you? Let me know your line one and line two, and if, as promised, you got a little taste of one of them by the end of this article. I hope so!!!
In addition to mommying to two magical girls born in 2000 and 2003, Suzanne owns a holistic health center in St. Louis, Missouri where she practices as a physical therapist, Certified Infant Massage Instructor and health education teacher. Certified in a number of healing and life education approaches, Suzanne offers life coaching as Zen Mommy Coach.