When I found I that I was pregnant, I was ecstatic. We had been trying for months and it finally happened. We were at a great point in our lives, married and finally finished college. We had been through a lot together and thought we didn’t have anywhere to go but up from there.
Well, I was wrong. When I was five months pregnant with my son, my 23 year old brother suddenly died on the soccer field. He had the same heart condition that took our fathers life just five years earlier. My parents had me checked out as a child (because my dad had been treated for this heart condition since the age of 21) and I just had a mermor. They never checked my brother. The condition they shared was cardiomyopathy, which is basically an enlarged heart, and in our family’s situation, was hereditary.
I still can’t believe it, I am still numb to the idea. He was healthy and active, in the prime of his life. He was my best friend. He walked me down the isle at my wedding and he was my husband’s best man. I could go on and on with how amazing he was. We were so close, and at times, we were all each other had. I felt so alone. I felt like a piece of me was gone.
I could of lost it then. My brother was my rock after losing my dad. My mom has her own issues and of course was going through the worst thing that a parent could ever go through. After losing my dad, I smoked and drank, and basically got out of control.
This time, I couldn’t. I had a life inside of me, depending on me. I knew that I had to be strong for him. I knew that my brother would want me to be strong.
I thank God for my husband. He helped me plan my brother’s funeral. He helped me go to my brothers apartment and clean out his room. But the thing that really kept me strong was the day after my brother died, I went to the OB to get a heartbeat check, because of all the stress, and hearing that, I knew that I still had a reason to be here.
The day my son was born was the most amazing day of my life. After seeing so much death in my life and losing the people that I love, I finally was able to give LIFE.
My son is named after my brother, and I realize that my brother will live on through my son and I.
Amazingly, my grandmother and my brother were the only two people on either side of our family’s to have these amazing blue eyes. My son has those beautiful eyes. Now I get to see a piece of my brother for the rest of my life.
Through all of this, I still believe that I am a positive person. My son has given me reason to hope, reason to believe, and reason to LIVE.