How Spirit Moves

twin-dasiy-234“I’ve been feeling really sick.” I tell the ultrasound lady. She’s just getting her magic wand in position to tell me my future. With two beautiful children and five sweet angels in heaven, for my husband and I, this eighth pregnancy would most likely be all she wrote in terms of us bringing another child into the world. Our history of just plain bad-luck miscarriages coupled with the fact that, though I feel just 28, my husband insists I will be turning 39 next month, have led Shawn and I to a now or never feeling about this pregnancy.

HOPE

With hubby at a conference all week, I went to this appointment alone. Two friends from the small number that actually even knew I was pregnant had offered to take me, but I wanted to go alone. Shawn called that morning and I knew he was with me in spirit, even as I knew I could take whatever news this visit would bring.

Having cried the entire car-ride to the hospital, preparing for the worst even as I hoped for the best, I was now surprising relaxed. I breathed slowly and purposely as I recline on a not-even-the-least-bit-soft table, legs spread wide in stirrups, awaiting my fate. Will my youngest daughter of six get the little brother or sister she has so patiently been waiting for, insistent he or she is coming through all the twists and turns and a good bit of doubt on her parent’s part? Does our little peanut (I figured to be about 8 weeks old) have a heart beat???

I’ve been down this road before so I don’t even attempt to watch the squiggly lines that will soon form on the screen before me. Trained in the ways of the human face, how it either brightens or dulls depending on the news that flashes before it, I’ve trained myself to stare instead into the smiling eyes of my ultrasound technician. I’ve learned that it is far easier for me to interpret this face than the abstract images of an ultrasound screen. In this way, I read the screen without even glancing at it.

My mind is ready to interpret the face even before the images appear. “Hmmmm, that comment I just made about me being sick – that really affected her. What is she thinking? She’s definitely thinking something. Is that a good sign or a bad sign? Don’t all women feel sick 7 weeks into pregnancy??? It’s got to be normal to….” And before my mind could chase this thought much further, the ultrasound tech’s face transformed from one of curiosity to one of AMAZEMENT.

JOY

This was a face of joy. I was certain. Little tingles of relief flowed through my body. “There’s a heart beat. There must be. I just know it…” my mind was busy surmising when that sweet technician shocked me. Words came from her mouth, telling me far more than the words I had been able to read upon her face.

“TWINS!!!”

“You are having TWINS!!!”

Say what?

WONDER

Now, I did not see that coming. Twins?!?! What? Wild. Awesome. Two babies!?! Oh joy. Oh complete and utter joy. There’s a heart beat! Wait, no, there are TWO heart beats. Twins. And as my mind races to catch up to the knowing my body experienced, the following thought kept running through my brain like a ticker tape, “Two babies…TWO babies…two BABIES…TWO BABIES!”.

In that moment, I didn’t so much think as I did feel. I felt so much love. As surprised as I know I had been when those words left her mouth just five seconds before, my body felt as if the knowledge of two babies growing inside me always ever had been.

Moments passed and my joy continued to grow. Love filled the room. My ultrasound tech introduced me to sweet baby “A” and sweet baby “B”, labeling them in white type upon the screen and printing their pretty little pictures for me. No longer abstract wiggle lines to me, I swear I could see their smiles.

She measured their little heart beats, 169 for baby “A” and 171 for baby “B”. She looked closely at the two separate sacs in which they floated and their two separate cords, declaring them what I intuitively knew to be so…”PERFECT!” She gave me some of the technical terms for their twin-hood-ness which I’ve already forgotten…and let me know they could be identical or fraternal at this point. Every new term and fact that left her mouth was like a golden nugget to my ears.

AMAZEMENT

Speechless, amazed, and utterly grateful would be just a few words I’d pick to attempt to describe what I was feeling in that moment. Mostly, I felt I had been given a great gift…not only the gift of life and the two beautiful souls that grow inside me, but the gift of peace I felt growing in me alongside them as well. Does this mean I’ll never worry in the months  to come? No. Just ask my doctor who was clear to tell it to me like it is before I left her office. She knows the risks and so do I. But I’ve turned this whole baby thing over.

Now more than ever I feel myself cupped in the larger hand of another…comforted in the knowledge that I do not direct my life on my own. I am part of something bigger. Comforted too in the knowledge that no matter what happens, I am not the circumstances of my life. I am life. I am LOVE. And I can love this day, no matter what.

SPIRIT

It’s days like today that make faith easy…or maybe it’s faith that makes days like today easy. Just hours after learning of our twins, I had gone to our daisy patch to pick two flowers…one for baby “A’ and one for baby “B”. After clipping their stems I turned to walk away when this beautiful daisy caught my eye. It was one flower with two yellow heads connected by a single stem; little white petals surrounding the pair all around.

Twin daisies. How PERFECT. Do I take this as some sort of sign? Heck yeah!@#! You betcha. Words like hope and praise and peace of mind, like faith and trust and love and all things good in this world fill my head when I look at my beautiful twin daisies.

Mushy? Yeah, I know. But you’ll have to forgive me, I’m pregnant!… with twins.

Related Articles:

39 Weeks : We Are So Blessed
37 Weeks : Crystal Ball
36 Weeks : Pre-Birth ENERGY
35 Weeks : House Arrest
34 Weeks : Like “Cantaloupes”
33 Weeks : Blessingways and Birth
32 Weeks : Other New Moms & Icing
31 Weeks : Newborn Baby Checklists
30 Weeks : Sage “New-Mom” Advice from a Friend
29 Weeks : Placental Encapsulation
28 Weeks : Pregnancy Calf Cramps to Wake the DEAD
27 Weeks : Holiday Maternity Fashion Tips
26 Weeks : The Nursery
25 Weeks : Back to Baby Names
24 Weeks : Cord Blood
23 Weeks : Baby Fat
22 Weeks : Baby(s) Moving! Time for Belly Massage
21 Weeks : Flu Bug
20 Weeks : Parents As Teachers
19 Weeks : Sleep
18 Weeks : Breastfeeding
17 Weeks : Childbirth
16 Weeks : Sex of the Babies. We’re having…
15 Weeks : Baby name Game
14 Weeks : Prenatal Yoga
13 Weeks : Mindful Nesting
12 Weeks : My Changing Pregnant Body

Suzanne Tucker, aka Zen Mommy
In addition to mommying to two magical girls born in 2000 and 2003, Suzanne owns a holistic health center in St. Louis, Missouri where she practices as a physical therapist, Certified Infant Massage Instructor and health education teacher. Certified in a number of healing and life education approaches, Suzanne is a Co-creator of My Mommy Manual and the online parenting course, Yogi Parenting, a positive parenting approach for raising kids of all ages.

Comments

  1. OMG!!!! That is great news :) I’m so happy for you {big hugs!}.

    [Reply]

  2. thanks JENN!!! :) we’re so excited.

    [Reply]

  3. Ria, you are the cutest. …choking up and all. (the news still surprises me some mornings. ha)

    [Reply]

  4. Congratulations to you!! How exciting for your soon to be larger family. :)
    Wishing you the very best.

    [Reply]

  5. I’m so happy for you! Joy!!!

    [Reply]

  6. My. Goodness. Well, yours really. Incredible news. Wishing you all the Zen you can muster.

    [Reply]

  7. THANK YOU Heather, Ganesha/Stephanie and Adam. :) yes. laughing on the zen comment Adam. I’ll be pulling in lots of support I imagine… an exercise in YIN (receiving) for me if ever there was one.

    [Reply]

  8. Awesome! Big congrats to you and your family. Multiples are lots of fun :)

    [Reply]

  9. Zen Mommy says:

    thanks kim- good to hear!

    triplets? wow. im taking noted. love your blog … from the ultrasound pictures of them to the now 4 yo potty training them. Prayers for Lily. She is adorable!!!

    [Reply]

  10. Suzanne,

    This is the best way to start a day – reading news like this. I never knew the amount you went through until I read more of the blog here, spoke with you and friends, and it’s an amazing and powerful tale.

    I am soooooooo happy for you and Mr Zen, and my very bestest wishes will be with you guys (and the two new additions) all the way through the adventure. You deserve this happiness – congrats, hon!

    Danny x

    [Reply]

  11. Beautiful story. Thanks for a little inspiration to help us all through the day 😀

    [Reply]

  12. Whoa!!! Fabulous news! Congratulations and I’m feeling pretty mushy myself reading your story. How wonderful…treasure every day.

    Hugs
    Elena

    [Reply]

  13. Suzanne,

    I was just thinking the other day how I can’t wait to watch you grow into this new role. You’re so inspiring. Could NOT be happier for you and your family.

    Lovely, lovely post,

    Jen

    [Reply]

  14. WooooooHoooooooo! CONGRATS to you and your family!

    XOXO

    [Reply]

  15. Wahoo!! That’s such great news – congratulations!! I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers for a happy, safe pregnancy with these two little ones :)

    Lindsay

    [Reply]

  16. Amy T (Graco) says:

    What great news! Congratulations to you and your family!

    [Reply]

  17. Colleen says:

    Congrats!

    [Reply]

  18. OH my GOODNESS! Congratulations to you and your family! So thrilled for you! Love and hugs!

    [Reply]

  19. joy joy joy reading all your kind notes. Danny, thank you buddy. We are blessed. Jen, Colleen, Amy T, Lindsay, Christeen, Miss Ive, Elana and Vicky… your congrats mean the world to me… and i hope you know how very kind you all are. It takes a special person to share in another persons joy like you have. *hugs*

    [Reply]

  20. Great news! Love you!

    [Reply]

  21. SOOOOOO excited for you!!! And what a wonderful way of sharing it with us!!! You are blessed with love and light and the strength to take it as it comes.

    [Reply]

  22. You, dear SuZen, are a glorious gift to us All. We are “utterly grateful” for you—and for all of the joy you bring forth in a cynical world.

    Blessed be. . .May God Protect you and All of your precious Angels.

    I am honored to know you.

    [Reply]

  23. What an exciting story!!! I just went through a miscarriage last month after having two beautiful daughters. Hoping my story will end with more beautiful children as well and this story gives me hope. Thank you for sharing it! I wrote my miscarriage story & recovery here. http://organicmamacafe.blogspot.com/2011/03/recovering-from-miscarriage-hemorrhage.html

    [Reply]

Trackbacks

  1. […] and on a day when I really needed it. It’s a double headed daisy. You may already understand the significance this flower has for me. The short of it is this: I found this flower the day I discovered I was […]

Leave a Comment

*