How To Love Your Demons

Invite Them to Lunch


I said to a friend the other day, “I’m having my demons over for lunch. Would you and yours care to join me?”

I figure if I’ve got them, demons I mean… and I do, I might as well get to know them better. My friend couldn’t make lunch that day, but it sparked a great conversation and ultimately led to this post.

All this focus on examining my demons started after a soul searching night spent listening to Paul Coutinho speak in St. Louis, Missouri. Paul is an incredible speaker, the author of How Big is Your God, Just As You Are… and lucky for me, spends half his time in his homeland of India and the other half teaching theology at St. Louis University.

What was the topic of his talk you ask? For me, it was all about l-o-v-e. Paul shared a number of compelling ideas, but the part of his talk that intrigued me the most was when he encouraged us to make friends with our demons.

On this night, I had an ah-ha moment. In his simple way, Paul’s words brought home to me the idea that we, each of us, are mystics NOT in our strengths… but in our weaknesses. I wish I could insert a pause. I’d have one here. It bears repeating.

We are mystics in weakness and through weakness, we grow.

My friend Practical Mommy is a mystic when she looks at her demons and calls them out by name. She’s a mystic when she looks to her divorce for the wisdom and growth it offers. You go girl.

Practical Mommy has got the right idea here because our demons require us to know them. They do not like to be ignored. More than that, I would go so far as to say, they demand our love. There’s that word again. Yes, L-O-V-E. The better we can know, love and accept the motley crew of traits and tendencies EACH and every one of  us have, the better we can BE loving.

Our demons can only ruin things for us if we keep them hidden in the deep dark basements of our souls. Instead, let’s move them into the light where we can see them. Let’s invite them over for lunch because they are an important bunch to know. It’s not in spite of our demons that we grow, it is through them.

So how can one come to love one’s demons? It starts when we welcome them as friends, and take the time to get to know them. I’ve been spending time with mine. It typically goes something like this: “Oh hello control-freak, come on in! Hey self-doubt, grab a seat. Welcome back fear-of-not-having-or-being-enough, missed you!” These are my weaknesses. My fears. My demons. And they are also my greatest opportunities for experiencing divine wisdom and love. Instead of fighting or denying them, I’d like to call them out by name. I want to set a place for them at the table that is my life. They are all a very real part of that which is me. If I can’t love them, then I can not love me.

Today look at our dark sides. Have lunch with our dark sides. Love our dark sides. And in doing so, let’s be reminded of our light. Let’s experience the fullness of bliss and the greatness that lives within each of us even in, especially in, our weaknesses. Let’s remember always, whether dark or light, we are love. This is who we are. It’s our birthright, so let’s claim it!

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Suzanne Tucker aka Zen Mommy is co-creator of My Mommy and co-owns a holistic health center in St. Louis, Missouri with her husband Shawn. She practices as a Certified Educator of Infant Massage and health education teacher. Certified in a number of healing life education approaches, Suzanne offers parent coaching one on one and through YogaParenting, an eight week online course helping parents create more joy and less stress.


  1. My whole week has been a series of nudges from the demons I have been ignoring! But you are absolutely right, they will NOT be ignored. I’ve been prepping for this… DOUBT… the one I wrote about it post #6. It’s just the tip of the iceberg.

    Your post is just what I needed to hear. As well as your message today, “God within us is powerful through our weaknesses.”

    Love you!


  2. I LOVE Paul Coutinho’s reflections – books, conferences, etc. He opened an entire new world for me. I actually now work for the Publisher of his books, Loyola Press. He has a new book out – Just As You Are. I’d love to send you a copy. Feel free to email me at I’ll be seeing him soon in LA. I’ll have to tell him I saw a mention of him on your blog. :)


  3. Zen Mommy says:

    I reworked/updated this post today because it’s up for me. I had an amazing coaching session yesterday with a client on Forgiveness and it reminded me to look at and LOVE my demons. It also brought this favorite quote from Marianne Williamson to mind: “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us… We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us; it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

    Shine on beautiful people!!! Shine on. :)


  4. What a great post! We are who we are, good and bad! I’m visiting from Twitter, thanks for the follow!!
    My Twintastic Life


  5. My only demon is about to turn 21 :) but she has brought an enormous amount of pleasure and heartbreak and worry and joy, from one end of the spectrum to the other. Would I send her back? Mmmmmm, no!


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