Much to this mom’s dismay, my 19 month old daughter climbed out of her crib after nap-time yesterday… and then I’m pretty sure lured her twin brother (4 minutes younger so there’s that!) to do the same. I walked in and my baby boy was sitting on the floor in front of his crib with a not so very happy look on his face saying “BOOM! BOOM!” Baby girl (can I still call them baby at 19 mo?) on the other hand was happy as a lark, walking around the room pulling blankets out of drawers, reveling in her new found freedom and POWER! ^_^

I set up the camera to catch her in the act. This is what I found.

Anyone else had a baby get out of the crib this early? My other two went 2.5 years before moving to big – girl – beds and never even attempted to climb out. Please share your creative thoughts on managing this. I’m all ears! Thus far, I’ve decided to lie down on the floor ’till I am certain my ‘lil Houdini has safely drifted off to slumberville. My boy ain’t in ANY hurry to throw himself over again, that’s for sure.

BOOM!!!

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Suzanne, aka Zen Mommy
In addition to mommy-ing to two magical girls born in 2000 and 2003 and twins born in February of 2010, Suzanne owns a holistic health center in St. Louis, Missouri where she practices as a physical therapist, Certified Infant Massage Instructor and Parent Coach.

This Sunday, Suzanne and I are facilitating a workshop at Passport to Power — a day-long mom-daughter conference in St. Louis. The event’s mission is one we strongly believe in, empowering girls through stronger connections with their female role models. Our morning session is called Sing Your Truth and will focus on how to tune into our own inner wisdom and how to model this for our girls. Of course, our regular readers know we can talk about this for days!!!

Intuitive guidance is a gift — a compass in a confusing world of too much external input, competing and conflicting agendas, and no clear cut answers. I already see it in my before-bed conversations with my daughter: My friends want this, but I don’t. Is that bad? Should I tell so-and-so what she said? Our night time ritual is now loaded with questions that are a lot more complicated than they were, even just last year. My response is usually a version of, “What does your gut tell you?”

But how much do we tune in to what our gut tells us? How often do we slow down enough to listen to the truth that our bodies already know? It’s an undoing or an unlearning, really. Because society places so much value in what we can decipher with our heads, what is logical, what makes sense….  As we “grow up,” we are taught to ignore what our gut tells us for what intellectual evidence our mind provides. In this sad way, we are unconsciously taught to distrust ourselves. And if we can’t trust ourselves, who can we trust?

The mental/emotional noise reaches a fever pitch in moments of real crisis. That’s just not the time to start turning to our inner guidance. If you start learning how to swim in the baby pool, you’ll actually fare better when you get tossed out in the raging sea. So I like suggesting that we start this practice with ourselves and our kids with the easy stuff: Does your body say, eggs or pancakes for breakfast?

The advanced level questions are ones like: What does my body say about this job/project/relationship?

Last week, I had the opportunity to steal away to Mexico for five days. No one else but me! Which meant this: I ate when I was hungry, I drank when I was thirsty, I slept when I was tired! It was an opportunity to tune into my body in a very elemental way. It was like a re-setting of the compass, back to due north. Since my re-entry into the noisy world, I’ve been practicing checking in and allowing my gut to set my priorities and guide my path. It’s been nothing less than magical!

So if you are in St. Louis, I hope you’ll join us on April 3, 9-3pm at The Doubletree Hotel in Chesterfield. It’s going to be a fabulous day. My dear friend and expert dreamer, Jen Lemen is doing the opening keynote on planting dreams for a hopeful world, so we can all learn how discovering and claiming your dreams can you help you develop and grow. Our breakout session for the moms is right afterwards, while parenting expert Annie Fox works with the girls on “Real Friends vs. The Other Kind.”

But it’s not all talk! There’s a luncheon, makeovers, massages, hairstyling, crafts, lots of photo opps, a boutique and silent auction. Oh yes, in addition to being a great day to spend with your daughter, Passport to Power is also a fundraiser for Girls In The Know, a nonprofit that hosts a speaker series year-round in St. Louis that helps start conversations between moms and tweens on body image, relationships, safety and the birds and the bees.

Space is limited at the hotel so go grab your tickets now!

This is such an important conversation. Are you a bad mother?

In honor of the Guilt-Free parenting week we kicked off for BabyCenter.com last week, I pulled out these awesome interviews on being a “bad mother” in today’s world.  Watch as Ria Sharon and I team up with three other outspoken and prolific mom bloggers to interview best-selling author, Ayelet Waldman’s memoir, Bad Mother: A Chronicle of Maternal Crimes, Minor Calamities, and Occasional Moments of Grace. We interviewed Ayelet live on MyMommyManual.com a week after the book’s release and as part of a book tour that also included a session with Terry Gross on Fresh Air and another on the Today Show.

“You guys are amazing! I’ve been writing for ten years and this has definitely been the most fun, the most interesting, the most creative interaction I’ve ever had with readers and I’m so grateful to you all. You’re the bomb.” ~ Ayelet Waldman

If you would rather listen to the skype audio only… (no echo!), click HERE!

One of our mommies said this about this morning’s event…

“Let me push you to doing more of these b/c they are fantastic. I really loved how honest the conversation was. I think women in particular need to reclaim our “gut level” instinct & not be afraid to be honest & real no matter what people think we “should” do.”

WE KEPT THE CONVERSATION GOING!

We invited moms to join us a week later on May 18th to continue the Bad Mother conversation and how this issue is reflected in many women’s lives. We even dove into the topic of “Bad Dad”,  the societal pressures men and women feel. Don’t miss the end where we talk about being selfish and how we women GET to encourage one other  with a little more “ass-slaping”. Yes, it got a little crazy. There was a lot of laughing and much inspiration in the raw, honest talk between us… five moms, yes, but five women as well.

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Suzanne Tucker is publisher of MyMommyManual.com and co-creator of YogaParenting, an online parenting course. If you liked what you read here, she hopes you’ll JOIN My Mommy Manual for always free parenting tips, inspired by the idea that we get to “look inside for instructions”.

I consider myself an Attachment Parenting parent but I also believe there is no one right way to parent. In attachment, as in parenting and as in life, there are many ways.

Here’s what I know about attachment: attachment happens differently for each of us. Said another way, there’s no one right way to parent.

As a physical therapist and Infant Massage Instructor, I’ve been talking to parents about all things parenting under the sun for over a decade. And after all this talking, I’ve come to a conclusion: there’s a lot of guilt involved in parenting, and not only because we judge each other, but because we judge ourselves (which I thinks hurts worst of all).

There are just some some tough parenting moments, where self love is not easy:

• You walk into the next room (for just a minute!) and baby rolls off the bed. Thud!

• You get caught up, loose track of time and are late for school pick up.

• The tooth was placed under the pillow with excitement… only for your child to awake and search HIGH and low for what the fairy might have left. Crushed, nothing is found (until miraculously, minutes later… a crisp bill is found somewhere in the sheets.)

We’ve all been there, or at least I have. I’ve experienced every one of the above. Not my finest moments. But in those moments, and even now as I write about them, I get to love the parts of myself that led to them. In each I was distracted – about as far from being “present” to the present moment as one can get. In accepting these times that at first caused great guilt, I get to love the un-lovable in me… the distracted, multi-tasking, less than present, not so zen me. I get to breathe in “I love myself” and breathe out, “I am enough.”

The next time you are feeling the inevitable guilt associated with parenting, whether it go by the name Attachment Parenting or any other name, remember this, each of us have strengths and challenges. Each of our children do as well. What works for one child may be the very thing to avoid with another. And no matter how hard we may work at avoiding them, all of us will make mistakes.

Instead of judging ourselves as bad parents when we do make mistakes, let’s see if we can surrender to what is. In the tough moments, let’s take a deep breath and practice holding on to letting go. Let’s love ourselves for who we are and who we are not. Let’s practice the art of acceptance. If we can do this, then we can truly love… first ourselves and through this ability to love ourselves, others.

Guilt can be a signal pulling us to look at a particular area of ourselves and our lives, but with acceptance and self love in place, transformation can flow into our lives via awareness.

Let’s let go of right/wrong parenting debates over sleep, nursing, working verse staying at home, baby wearing and more. Let’s tune into the needs and signs of our little ones and encourage others to do the same. Let’s focus our playground parenting discussions on learning to love and trust ourselves for the parents we are and forgiving ourselves for the parents we are not.

Self love. Now that is a gift worth giving to ourselves and our children this new year.

Was there a particularly hard time in your parenting life where you judged yourself or one that you felt judged by another? How did you manage it? Any advice for us based on your experience?

Suzanne Tucker, aka Zen Mommy

Suzanne is the Co-creator of My Mommy Manual and the online parenting course, Yoga Parenting. If you liked something you read here, she hopes you’ll sign up. It’s free and together you can remind each other to look inside.

I made this video for my girls. Mostly I just wanted to make them smile. I pulled together five second spots from random moments we caught on tape this summer.

At the time these moments were taken they seemed very un-important: waking up early and playing on our bed; swimming; put-put; go-carting; the park.

But when I watch them now, it hits me. These are not un-important moments. They are the most important moments of all.

When your kids are big and grown, what moments will you remember? What moments will your children remember? I’ll bet, like this video, it will be the little moments that leave the biggest impressions.

Peace, joy and mindfulness… parenting as a spiritual practice. Parenting can help make your life a-parent to you. Sign up for free weekly nuggets on self-development through parenting.

Related Articles:

How to Find Balance for Life

How to Raise Your Child to Be Happy

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Suzanne Tucker, aka Zen Mommy

In addition to mommy-ing to two magical girls and twins born in 2010, Suzanne co-owns a holistic health center with her husband Shawn in St. Louis, Missouri where she practices as a physical therapist, Certified Educator of Infant Massage and health education teacher. Suzanne is the Co-creator of My Mommy Manual and the online parenting course, Yoga Parenting. Ready for parenting to bring you more joy and less stress?

If you’ve taken our Yoga Parenting class on Ritual/Play, you’ll know we think it’s important to get silly with our kids. And yet, it can be challenging for us moms to exercise those “play muscles.” When I was married, I delegated the rough-housing, tickling, wrestling to dad. But why?! Are we short on time? Or are we too busy being the R-E-S-P-O-N-S-I-B-L-E adults?! (said in stodgy boring documentary voice).

I very often fall into the trap of feeling responsible for making sure my kids brush their teeth (as you recall from another post), take their medicine and eat their broccoli. Can you think of anyone more UNfun than mommy? Ugh!

A few minutes of playing goes such a long way to filling our buckets. So infuse a little fun into your day, moms! It’s your JOB!

Suzanne and I had so much fun on the trampoline that day. I’m telling ya, there’s nothing like getting physical to lift your spirits. On any given day but especially when you’re feeling a general sense of malaise, just channel your inner @AlliWorthington and JUMP!

And if you still need more convincing, here’s a quote from The Screwtape Letters. Yes, Screwtape (the demon) is well aware of the dangers of play!

Fun in closely related to Joy — a sort of emotional froth arising from the play instinct. … it has wholly undesirable tendencies; it promotes charity, courage, contentment, and many other evils.
~ Uncle Screwtape

Sign up for weekly nudges on how to stay more connected to yourSELF through parenting.

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Practical Mommy is Ria Sharon, co-creator of the Yoga Parenting course. Are you ready for parenting to be easier, more fun and less stressful?

Is it possible? Not surprisingly, Mommy Guilt is a hot topic. We’re explored that in a session called, “Lose the Mommy Guilt: Juggling Family Life and Blogging” at the Type A Mom Conference.

We were excited to be on a panel with Molly Gold and Kim Coleman to listen to you and how Mommy Guilt manifests. This session was great because each of the panelists are so different, that together we provided a range of solutions and perspectives.

We shared our Yoga Parenting tools on how to manage the beast! Of course, the Universe provided ample material!

As I prepared to leave for the conference, in characteristic “Practical Mommy” fashion, I had my T-48 hours to departure To-Do List. Of course, the problem with having everything so perfectly orchestrated is that any one hitch in plans means the wheels go flying off the bus, right? So on the day I was supposed to get on a plane, my daughter had an “emergency” with her homework and my son wets the bed! And as I navigated all this, I chuckled to myself because as Zen Mommy always says, “We teach what we most need to learn.” Balance. Aaaaah.

Linda Sellers, our moderator, started the session with the Webster’s Definition of “Guilt:” a feeling of culpability for offenses.

Where does that feeling of culpability, of having done something wrong stem from? I contend that it comes from our tendency to JUDGE OURSELVES.

For example,  I can’t live without my to-do lists. As Practical Mommy and not unlike @MyGoMom, it’s one of my go-to solutions.  But it is important to remember that the list is a tool, a means to an end rather than an end in itself. My tendency is to look at the list at the end of the day and evaluate the success of my day by the number of items I got to check off the list. It’s our human nature, er, habit to judge something/everything as either GOOD or BAD. Judgement is the root of Mommy Guilt and really, all guilt.

However, if we can withhold judgement and remember that when things don’t go according to plan, it doesn’t mean #FAIL! It just meant that reality did not match your preconceived vision. Did I mention that Zen Mommy had to cancel at the last minute? Our panel was planned as a panel of FOUR. Instead it was three plus a video post from Zen Mommy on How to Be a Happy (Not Guilty) Mama!

I loved Kim’s response to Mommy Guilt. She explained that she does not fall victim to this very often but when she does, it must mean that something is truly out of balance. Guilt is a red flag that lets her know that something in her life needs to change because the way she’s doing it at the moment, is not working, which led to the next topic.

Life Balance
We asked the audience for their definition of balance and you responded: Peace. Stability.

I happen to agree. I used to think that being balanced meant that all the different “silos” of my life were equal: my house column, my children column, my career column, my personal fulfillment column… if I had devoted equal amounts of time and energy towards each of these in a given period of time, say a day or a week or a month, yay for me! I was “balanced.” I realized that as Molly pointed out, this is “a myth!”

As my life has shifted, I realized that I can tap into feelings of peace and stability at any time. Any moment. Really. By taking a deep breath and getting re-settled in my body, I can be balanced. And when I am balanced, I can more clearly see what priorities need to go on my to-do lists and tackle those to-do’s with intention rather than frenetic energy… which I believe is the experience we are all trying to avoid, right?

My favorite trick is using the breath, Yoga-style of course, to tune and re-center myself. Here’s a quick video demonstration:

Kim also pointed out that everything is constantly changing. There are times when you will spend more time on work and other times you’ll spend more time with your family, depending on what needs attending or even what stage of life your children are in. I loved her takeaway that whatever is happening, nothing lasts for very long — good or bad.

Molly also reminded everyone that it’s important to figure out what works for you because each mom and family is different. What may seem like too much for you (like going to kids’ sporting events endlessly), may be a joy for another mom.

Someone in the audience brought up the challenge of blogging versus family, especially when blogging is not yet contributing to the family financially.

Of course you know me… I am a strong advocate for moms (anyone, really) going after their dreams and passions. A passion infuses happy energy into everything we do, even and especially our parenting. As moms, don’t we want our children to go after their dreams? If we are not willing to allow ourselves our own dreams, how do we expect them to do it?!

If you attended the session and have any more questions, please feel free to leave them in the comments. I would love, love, love for us to share more on mommy guilt and on life balance. We can all learn from each other.

Thank you so much, Molly, Kim and Linda. I’m sure I missed some sage words of advice so if you can remember more from the panel, please add them here.

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How to Be Enough

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An Interview with Sarah Susanka, bestselling author of The Not So Big Life

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Practical Mommy is Ria Sharon, co-creator of the Yoga Parenting course. Are you ready for parenting to be easier, more fun and less stressful?

NO is not a bad word! “No” is how we maintain boundaries with each other, both adults and children. It’s a word that we want our kids to be able to say with confidence. Think of all the situations when we want them to “Just say No!”

So how do you react when your child establishes a boundary with you? After all, how are they going to master it without any practice! Watch the VIDEO: Zen Mommy and I take on this question from the Yoga Parenting course.

No is powerful. But as a child myself, saying “no” to my parents was… unheard of. I’m sure that my tendency to NOT say “no” has been the root of… um, many many significant life lessons. Remember Jennifer Burden’s article last week, How to Just Say No? This is a biggie, people! This is how are little people learn!

Thank you, Jennifer for sharing how you set your boundaries. My dear readers, how have you set boundaries. Or, how has your child set boundaries with you? How did you respond?

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Practical Mommy is Ria Sharon, co-creator of the Yoga Parenting course. Are you ready for parenting to be easier, more fun and less stressful?

In this VIDEO, we talk about getting centered and staying centered. Centeredness is a state of mind — that does not have to be linked to your external circumstances. Really!

We can use our mind-body connection to help keep us centered. Click to watch the video and find out how.

Centering is Lesson One of our eight-week online course. If you ready for parenting to be easier, more fun and less stressful, check out the Yoga Parenting course

What does “mindfulness” mean? As developmental psychologist, Dr. Sophia Pierroutsakos explains, it is a conscious relationship that we have with all the people and circumstances happening around us.

How can mindfulness help us and our children? We produced an hour-long documentary on the subject. The video is available for immediate download for $19.95. Watch this 2-minute trailer for a preview.

Mindful Parents, Mindful Kids offers wonderful ideas for stepping back and focusing on what is important in life. From managing the screens in your household to managing relationships to managing yourself, the wisdom of Dr. Pierroutsakos is relevant and helpful. Too often we find ourselves pushing back against the “givens” when, in fact, they don’t need to be a given at all. Her thoughts were helpful and inspiring.

Tom Hoerr, Ph.D.
Educator and Author
on Multiple Intelligences (MI) and School Leadership

What a refreshing perspective on parenting! Instead of the usual discipline-focused lecture, this video gives parents power and wisdom.

In her soft and calm way, Sophia helps parents realize their role in raising children with a mindful attitude towards life. In this presentation, Sophia teaches simple and practical techniques to empower parents to take charge over their emotions and shift from reactive parenting to mindful parenting.  With wonderful explanations backed by research, she helps parents identify the obstacles that get in the way of parents and children building their emotional intelligence.

I believe that watching Mindful Parents, Mindful Kids will start every parent on a new path in parenting where being mindful is a basic tool to raising great kids.

Ronit Baras
Parenting Coach, Speaker, Author

Thumbs up for this educational and informative video for parents! It teaches the practice, skills and benefits of mindfulness which is an important resource tool for parenting all ages. Being simply present in each moment helps kids and adults to better relate and learn.

Beck Brittain, Ph.D.
The Mothering Coach

Immediate access via .mp4 download or streaming, after confirming purchase. PayPal or credit card payment accepted through PayPal.

$19.95