Return To Zero: Ready To Grieve Out Loud?

June 4, 2013 by · Leave a Comment

RETURN TO ZERO is a movie based on the true story of a successful couple preparing for the arrival of their first child. Just weeks before their due date, they are devastated to discover their son has died in the womb and will be stillborn.

After their loss, Maggie and Aaron attempt to go on with their lives,  but try as they may, they can not escape their grief. Their lives have been forever altered. They try to cope in a myriad of ways — through denial, escape, and alcohol — but when Maggie ultimately discovers that Aaron is having an affair, she decides to end the marriage.

Just when Maggie believes she has started a new life, she learns she’s pregnant, the baby a result of a last ditch ‘save the marriage’ getaway to Vegas. With the help of her empathetic doctor who had experienced a similar loss years ago, Maggie finally grieves for the loss of her son. Through a turbulent and terrifying pregnancy, Maggie and Aaron reunite to see their child, a daughter, safely into the world.

I am for any movie that deals with grief and loss in an open, truthful way and for this reason, have become a Return To Zero Local Leader.

BREAK THE SILENCE. 

Join me in bringing RTZ to the big screen by simply pledging to see this film opening weekend. Help make an opening weekend for this movie even a reality as the director and producer need to show Hollywood that there is an audience for this film which has already been filmed and stars the talented Minnie Driver.

Stillbirth is a subject that deserves be told in film and in theaters everywhere. Take 18 seconds and make the pledge. Add me, Suzanne Tucker, as your Local Leader on the form or consider becoming a Local Leader in your area. Together we can bring this movie to the world and help others know, it is OKAY to grieve out loud.

Watch the Video and Sign the Pledge 

Become a Local Leader

More Information 

xo

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Join me and other moms on a spiritual journey with grief and loss here, because life’s better when we hold hands.

Related Posts:

My Intention

Hope After Miscarriage

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Time to Mourn

December 15, 2012 by · 2 Comments

Today I mourn.

I set down my coffee, turn on cartoons for my two year old twins, move into a different room and I cry.

“Soldier on. Get back to life. Let it roll off. Carry on.

Those are all things we’re told to do by parents, coworkers, friends, society, and more. It starts young.

We skin our knee, our dog dies, an uncle passes. Carry on. Keep your chin up.

Today I don’t want to lift my head, square my chin, and move forward.

I want to stop, mourning the loss of life and the insanity of it all.

I want to stop, considering these children, their friends, school staff, and parents. Beyond that, the impact to all involved.For a moment, let’s stand still, bow our heads, and mourn. The world won’t stop because we take that time out.

If you pray, pray; if you cry, cry; if you dance, dance.

Mourn.”

These words come to me from a friend on Facebook. They say everything my heart aches to say.
Today as you move through life, I hope you will tear a page out of my friend Todd’s manual and simply allow yourself the space and time to mourn.
xo
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Project SHARE: Add Your Story

November 10, 2012 by · 3 Comments

Ralph Waldo Emerson once said “Life is a journey, not a destination” and so it has been for me with loss and healing, more of a way I travel than a place I ever expect to arrive.

If you are a mother who knows the grief of losing a child or the dream of one to infertility, miscarriage, still birth or early infant loss; if you see your experiences as significant; if you feel that you are on a spiritual journey and that healing is more a way to travel than a place one arrives, I am writing this to you.

First, let me say, I am sorry. Ours is a group I wish no mother belonged to and yet here we are, together.

I know the pain of repeat miscarriage. I know the healing journey it has set me upon and I am writing about my experiences for other women that know grief, that in their loss they may feel less alone.

If you believe our lives are best when they are shared, please join in Project Share. Will you add *you* to the book I am writing? 

This is a picture of what I hope this book will look like one day soon. I have written to the artist, Monica Sabolla Gruppo, who created this beautiful handmade journal to tell her how much I love it and she has given me her blessing to post it here. It’s been an inspiration. This is what my book looks like in my heart even now as I am writing it.

One day soon this project will result in something tangible we can put our hands around. Something to be written in, to be shared with another mother who is having to say goodbye too soon. Here’s how you can be a part of it too.

To participate in Project Share: simply make some time to sit and reflect back on your journey. I have written a short list of questions for you to reflect on below. After you have had time to sit with them, write your thoughts down and send them to me. I am honored to be on the receiving end of these sacred stories.

Please send your reflections as follows:

1) Via email to tuckersuzanne(@)sbcglobal(dot)net, subject “Project Share”

2) Copy and paste your original piece into the body of the e-mail. No attachments please.

3) Please include your name, your baby’s name, type of loss, and a blog URL if applicable.

4) All submissions may be edited for clarity.

5) Submissions due by 12/31/12

6) I will write a thank you to each participant, mentioning you by your full name, first name alone or “pen-name” in the book’s foreword so please note how I might best thank you in your email.

By submitting your reflections, you are giving me permission to publish the entirety or portions of your submission in electronic (web-based and eBook format) or print publication. Introspection and gratitude are this project’s sole compensation and you retain all writes to your written reflections.

Here is a beautiful example from a mom who posted her reflections to her blog. Your responses may be a word, sentence or many paragraphs long. There is no right or wrong way to grieve and there is no right or wrong way to participate in this project. Here are the questions.

In your experiences with miscarriage: What happened? How did you feel? How did you grieve? How did those around you feel and grieve? How did your experiences affect you spiritually? What was your greatest challenge with miscarriage? What, if any, was your greatest gift or life lesson?

I will hold you in my heart as I read the responses you send me. Some of your experiences will be directly quoted in the book while others will influence my writing in ways I can’t even begin to know or express here in words, but if you participate, you will influence this book.

Blessings to you on your journey and thank you for being a part of this project by mothers who know grief for mothers who know grief. Together may we share our lives that another mother’s heart finds comfort and peace.

xoxo

—–

I believe that when we follow our bliss, anything is possible. If you know what it is to lose a child, be it to miscarriage, stillbirth or early infant loss, I hope you walk with me and other moms that have lost a child, because this journey we’re on is better when we are holding hands. 

Related Posts:

I Don’t Want to Do Something Wrong

Go Tell Them All I Did Not Die

How to Fall

Remembering

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Remembering…

October 15, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

I am not the same person I was before miscarriage, before our angel babies Leo, Mary, Tucker, Lily and Nina forever rocked my world.

I feel my angel babies making a difference every time I sit down to write to you.

I feel them in my heart when my second daughter tells me how she feels her angel brothers and sisters are looking out for her.

I feel them when our eldest daughter, now twelve, draws her family portrait at school with me, her dad, her two sisters and brother and herself surrounded by five cupcake stickers; the stickers she only later tells me are her angel brothers and sisters.

And I feel them when, last month, celebrating fifteen years of marriage, I experienced a love there between my husband and I, stronger in spite of (or maybe even because of) the times we pushed away from one another, grieving so much loss together but more often, separately.

I am remembering my baby angels today, something I usually do privately or maybe here with you or with other angel mamas; but today I will do this publicly, with friends and family and some that may not quite understand why.

I will do this because October 15th is a day for the world to remember angel babies and the ones they left behind, that we may know we are not alone.

If you have lost a child, know that I and many, many others are remembering with you today. We want to wrap you in love and light. We want to listen to you. We want to say your baby’s name aloud.

Write your angels name below and we will say it aloud with you, that all those that come here know, your angel is remembered.

xo

——-

By Suzanne Tucker, co-creator of My Mommy Manual.com. Join her and other moms on this journey called motherhood, because life’s better when we hold hands.

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I Don’t Want to Do Something Wrong…

October 3, 2012 by · 2 Comments

My friend Desi wrote to me last night wanting thoughts on how she might best support a friend:

My girlfriend just lost her baby. She was around 27 weeks. I don’t know what I need to do. I am going to mail a card tomorrow, but I don’t want to do something wrong at this sensitive time in her life. What can I do for her?

I love my friend. She is the mom of two, her baby just months old. She has never lost a child, but in her compassion, she is reaching out to learn how she might best support her friend. This is the sort of person everyone deserves to have in their life when bad things happen. I was (am) lucky enough to have friends and family like Desi, but so, SO many are not.

Here is what I wrote back, my immediate reply to a friend asking for advice. It took me all of about 48 seconds to write… and instead of adding to it or making it pretty, I thought I’d share with you just as it was, not in spite of its unedited-ness, but because of  it. (Sometimes our heads just get in the way…)

do listen. just listening, with your whole heart, without a need to make it better or make it go away… this is the most powerful thing you can do.

do be compassionate in your listening. you do not need to have had a loss to be of comfort to her.

do tell her you are sorry. that you are thinking of her. over and over, many times. those are really the best words. you can tell her in a card, in a gift, in a phone call, in a meal you drop by.

avoid fresh flowers. they die and can be a sad reminder when eventually they need to be thrown out.

ask her how she is. talk to her about her baby and call her baby by her baby’s name.

never feel you are best not mentioning it because you don’t want to “remind her” because, trust me, she won’t have forgotten and likely she is thinking about it anyway.

do not give her advice on how to feel. ever. things like “everything happens for a reason” or “at least you have another child” or “well, your baby is in a better place.” These words ring empty and do not comfort most in their loss.

do sit with her while she cries. drive over to give her a hug if she lives in town; even if she tells you she is okay and doesn’t need you to do this, hug her.

do ask if you can buy a plant or a tree for her to plant in her babies memory so she can see it’s life cycles and remember her sweet baby angel with each passing season.

do offer to help organize the memorial service. a balloon release or something of this sort where all can remember her baby with her. lots of ideas online.

do put this on your calendar for this time next year. remember this day with her then as she will be thinking about it. it may be a tough month even. likely nobody else in her world will be remembering along with her (unless she is really good at creating this sort of support in her life) and you remembering for and with her… this is a great, great gift.

give the gift of you. your heart. your listening. your tears. your understanding. your permission for her to grieve. she may denying these very things to herself. i know i did.
—–

you are a real gift in her life. you are a good friend to even ask.

 

What would you have replied? (And thank you ahead of time. I plan to add your thoughts to JOURNEY.)

xo

 

 

PS: Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day is coming up October 15th. This might be a nice time to remember a friend’s loss for and with them.

–

—–

I believe that when we follow our bliss, anything is possible. If you know what it is to lose a child, be it to miscarriage, stillbirth or early infant loss, I hope you will walk with me and other moms here, because this journey we are on is better when we are holding hands. Join and receive email support and inspiration for the journey of life after losing a child.

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This Is My Intention

October 2, 2012 by · 12 Comments

I know this feeling. I have another something growing within me. This something has a soul. I’m not pregnant (with a baby anyway) but something is definitely growing. 

It’s still new for me to say it out loud, but I’m going to say it anyway. I am writing a book. A companion journal for mother’s who know loss be it to infertility, miscarriage, stillbirth, early infant loss or any other. Loss is loss.

I can see the journal so clearly, how it will look and even how it will feel to hold; to write in. This book will be covered in pretty things, tied with a ribbon and a promise to hold all it contains forever close. This book will be a place for mother’s to feel less alone, to capture memories and search their hearts, unearthing the treasures that await them there. Gifts for them alone.

Ralph Waldo Emerson once said “Life is a journey, not a destination.” And so it is for healing, more a way than a place one arrives. Being with our grief is a worthy journey. Though not popular in our culture, being intimate with our suffering has the power to bring peace and healing. This is the inspiration for this companion journal.

After seven years of living in my journal alone, this book is unfolding. It begins with a chapter on stillness and ends with a chapter on sharing. Each of the book’s five chapters includes stories, quotes, and poems followed by big, beautifully illustrated open spaces to journal.

Writing this companion journal is part of my healing journey to be certain. In 2005 we lost our first son. Leo took flight and left me with a heart full of pain. About a week into my struggle to accept our loss I experienced what I can only describe as a calling. It happened like a tap on my shoulder, a tap that spoke to my heart even though it made no sense to my head. I was supposed to write about my journey with loss.

I doubted this tap. I though, “Who is gonna want to read about my life?” But I started to write anyway. With pen to paper, I wrestled with my life and searched for answers to the questions that filled me.

Six months after losing Leo, one miscarriage turned into two. Turned into three. I was down on my knees and the call got louder. I wasn’t doubting anymore. Turned into four. Turned into five.  Somewhere in the middle there, I started to believe. I was supposed to make time for my grief to live; to  hold love present to my pain that I may be called ever closer to the fullness of life; to share my story and to listen to the stories of others with out judgment or conditions. I was supposed to tell my story.

The chapters are taking shape, miraculously, like little baby fingers and little baby toes. If this book were a baby I think I’m somewhere near the end of my first trimester. An early spring birth, 2014, in time for Mother’s Day and the anniversary of Leo’s passing. I hope so anyway.

It takes a team to have a baby and I am very clear, it will take no less to bring this book to life. I hope you will be there for the long haul so together we can wonder at it’s creation into being.

In my next post I’ll show you a picture of how I see this companion journal looking. Like an eight week ultrasound, this picture will give you a glimpse of what I hope this ‘lil angel will look like one day soon. I can’t wait to show you. (I think it’s going to have my husband’s nose…)

xo

 

 

 

—–

I believe that when we follow our bliss, anything is possible. If you are a mother that knows loss, I hope you walk with me and other moms that know what it is to grieve as well. This journey we are on is easier when we are holding hands. Join for support and inspiration for the journey of life after loss.

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Not For a Reason

September 27, 2012 by · 5 Comments

I do not believe that everything happens for a reason. I used to say this, but I don’t anymore.

If everything happens for a reason, would it not follow that there is but one reason for the things that happen? What if my reason and your reason don’t match? Who gets to name it?

How can we apply reason to all the unreasonable things that happen in this world and to what purpose?

For most all of us who have lost a child, these words ring empty. Though meant to comfort, they leave us with more questions than answers, directing us in our grief to search our minds for what possible reason could exist to explain our pain.

Rather, I would offer that everything in life can have meaning. Why get stuck thinking about reason when we can turn to the heart of the matter for meaning instead? In meaning, we can have endless interpretations; my meaning different that your meaning, though neither one right or wrong in the naming of it.

For me and in my life, even the most tragic of events have had the power to draw me deeper into the fullness of life. In each, I have found meaning.

How about you? What do you believe?

To join other mothers walking with loss, click here.

——-

By Suzanne Tucker, co-creator of My Mommy Manual.com. Join her and other moms on this journey called motherhood, because life’s better when we hold hands.

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Go Tell Them All I Did Not Die…

May 8, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

Tears. Puddles. Choking feeling in my throat as I just clicked on this song, written for another mother with an angel baby. Baby Jack. Taken early in his life at just nine days old.

The song moves through me. Around me. Lifts me up even as it tears me down. The pain is still there (when I allow it.) This song brings me there. My breath carries me through it.

Thank you Spirit for this beautiful reminder today of my babies in heaven. [Read more...]

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First Pregnancy Miscarriage

April 15, 2012 by · Leave a Comment

This is a place for us to share our stories. Stories of miscarriage, stillbirth and early infant loss. Together we can loosen the grip of pain on our hearts. Together we can be hopeful.

The topic of miscarriage and infant loss is close to my heart. I’ve long wanted to make a place for us to share our stories. Because our stories are powerful. Our lives are not our own, they are for us to share. Every few weeks I’ll share a new video message with you from a mother who has experienced pregnancy loss. These stories are real and they are full of wisdom… and hope.

This week’s story comes from Carol. She has much to share with us about her experience with first pregnancy miscarriage six years ago. Her journey is a great reminder that miscarriage is not for a day, month, or even a year. It is an experience we carry for a lifetime. Yes, we can be happy again, but we will always carry that [Read more...]

Filed Under: Miscarriage and Loss ·

How to Fall

January 22, 2011 by · 4 Comments

I didn’t let people know the true depth of the hurt I was feeling after my first miscarriage. I let a few people in, but not many. My sadness seemed out of proportion to the amount of hurt I thought I was supposed to feel. In many ways, I just moved on. Hurting was hard. Moving on sounded like a better plan.

It took a lot to force my hand. Somewhere around miscarriage number four I guess you could say I “let go”. Life had me down on my knees and that was where I wanted to stay. Closer to the ground. Closer to spirit, to family. My perspective of life and the things that mattered were forever altered. I wasn’t in control and that was okay. Finally. That was okay.

It took me awhile to give myself permission to fall, but when I did, I fell into the arms of something greater than I ever could have imagined.

May this day find you holding on to letting go. Surrender to it. Lose control.

I wrote this poem years ago but it seemed right to share with you today.

SPIRIT

If I were to jump
Would you follow?

How is it
You are already there
On the valley floor
Arms outstretched
Ready to catch
What hasn’t even fallen?
——-

Suzanne Tucker, publisher of MyMommyManual.com and co-creator of YogaParenting, an online course helping parents create more joy and less stress in parenting.

Filed Under: Miscarriage and Loss ·
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