This Halloween, keep it safe for sure… but also keep it FUN!

I’ll be discussing this topic live on Great Day St. Louis Monday, October 17th so be sure to leave YOUR thoughts, stories and tips below and I’ll pass them along!

Here are four simple tips to keep you and your kids smiling all monster mash night long.

1. Plan a few special fall family rituals / outings in the weeks leading up to Halloween.

Find one or a few you like and then repeat them annually with your family. This is what your kids will remember when they grow up.  Examples: buying and carving a pumpkin, making pumpkin seeds, making caramel apples, going on a hayride, etc.

2. Share stories from Halloween’s past with your kids.

Tell them about when you were little. What were your favorite costumes growing up? Favorite candy? Family traditions? Talk about how you dressed them up when they were babies!!!

3. Plan ahead.

Buy just what you need to get by this year and then STOCK UP on all the things you’ll need for future Halloweens the day after Halloween. Example: This year have flashlights, reflectors, costumes, pillowcases (the kids can decorate themselves to collect their goodies in) and candy to hand out. Then this year, come Nov 1st, go shopping for all the little extra’s you’ll need in Halloween’s yet to come like door hanging wreaths, pumpkin containers to collect candy in, costumes for your dress-up bin and decorations for your home inside and out. Believe me, pre-holiday, those special decorations can be pricey. By waiting and planning ahead for next year, you will save about 75% and in some cases more. Stores are literally GIVING THERE HALLOWEEN INVENTORY AWAY at this point. I got a few caps, hats and dresses years ago at Target for 90% off the ticket price and my kids are still playing with them four years later.

4. Keep the pressure off.

It might surprise you but for some kids, all this seemingly FUN Halloween prep can be stressful! Things like which costume to pick, which jokes to tell and HOW and going up to new homes with big people they don’t know (or don’t know well) can be a little worrisome. Talking about it ahead of time with your child might be all you need to do to take the stress out. Let them know there’s no right or wrong here. Focus on the F-U-N.

It’s easy to get wrapped up in all the things your neighbors are doing but remember, especially for young kids less is more. Pick a block in your neighborhood or a friend or family member’s neighborhood to visit. Another idea is to find a Trunk or Treat in your neighborhood by googling “Trunk or Treat” plus the city you live in and go there instead!!!

Happy Halloween!!! Please post pictures of your little goblins (this year AND from Halloween’s past!) to our My Mommy Manual Facebook wall!!! (You’ve found us there I hope, yes?!?! Come on over and “Like” us if you haven’t already!)

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Suzanne Tucker, aka Zen Mommy
In addition to mommying to two magical girls born in 2000 and 2003 and twins born in February of 2010, Suzanne co-owns a holistic health center with her husband Shawn in St. Louis, Missouri  where she practices as Certified Educator of  Infant Massage and health education teacher. Certified in a number of healing and life education approaches, Suzanne offers life coaching as Zen Mommy Coach and is the co-creator of the Yogi Parenting approach to positive parenting.

It’s the middle of the summer! If your family is like mine, we’ve taken a trip, the kids have done camp, and we’ve hit all the local attractions. But there are still six weeks before school starts so… what now?

NOTHING! Seriously… I’m giving up the guilt about not having an activity planned for them. My kids are actually looking forward to some days when we can just lounge around and sleep in. I feel validated in my decision to UnPlan when I stumbled on an American Academy of Pediatrics report that says that free and unstructured play is healthy and actually essential for kids’ social, emotional and cognitive growth.

It seems like overnight, I’ve turned into The Soccer Mom, with my kids playing year round soccer. And along with all their other summer interests — tennis, swimming, drama camp,  it doesn’t leave many opportunities to just lay around. It’s a trade off because they get to do some fun stuff but that means that many days are carefully planned and orchestrated. And it can be stressful.

The times that I’m short with the kids and when we butt heads are when we are rushing out the door trying to get somewhere by a certain time. We all crave those mornings when we can sleep in as long as we want… and in our house, that can be as late as 10am! But then again, when you have free and unplanned time, there’s always the risk of your kids insistent refrain throughout the day… Mommy, I’m boooooored!”

I’m on Great Day St. Louis today sharing some ideas on what to do when that happens. One of my tips: making sure you are stocked with art supplies and fun ways that the kids can express themselves. In our house, we have an Art Wall and the kids have spent hours doodling on it. I use a strip of Frames wallpaper applied with double-sided tape. When it’s full, I just take it down and add a new strip!

For more ideas, join us today at 10am CST on KMOV’s Great Day St Louis. It’s gonna be fun!

“Do you know why Santa is always jolly?” my husband said to me last year as we were driving together to purchase our Christmas tree.

“No, why?” I replied on queue like the well-trained straight man of umpteen years of marriage.

“Because he knows where all the bad girls live,” he said. I laughed.

Make the Holidays Memorable, Try an Ice Skating Field Trip!

“Where’s that?” my son piped up from the back seat. He really wanted to know.

The holidays seem to come faster every year. By Halloween, the outdoor plants at Home Depot are all gone and Christmas trees fill every nook and cranny of the store. At some malls, Christmas music even accompanies back-to-school shopping. There is no stopping Christmas. But we can slow it down and cherish every moment. Here are some ideas.

Don’t Dilute the Season

Set your own parameters and jump into the season on your terms. Fend off the push to start early. I like to dive in on Black Friday and get out with the crowds to catch the excitement — and the sales of course. Make the season memorable by planning one small holiday event each weekend, such as getting the tree, catching the lighting ceremony or skating at a rink. Create a visual of the season’s shortness by planning these events on a big calendar everyone can see.

Count it Down

My son can’t seem to memorize his division tables but he can instantly calculate the number of days to Christmas. Use your little Human Holiday Calculator to help build the excitement. Get an advent calendar or add a days-to-Christmas countdown to your fridge.

Celebrate Cyber Monday

Cyber Monday is the virtual Black Friday. In offices all across America, it’s the Monday-after-Thanksgiving phenomenon where people collectively panic about their holiday lists. Suddenly, the fingers start shopping online sites during work time. So, join the crowd and make the most of it. Your boss is doing it too.

Wrap it Up Early

Shopping is not recreation. Recreation is recreation. Make lists and get it done to have more time for fun. Draw names with extended family. Really. They want this too.

Wrap it Literally

My friend Teresa decided not to wrap gifts one year because of how fast they were unwrapped on Christmas morning. She experimented with simply leaving piles of gifts for each child under the tree.

It was a fiasco. Her daughter felt slighted by Santa and asked if Santa was too busy for her this year. Teresa never left a gift unwrapped again.

Create a Slow Tradition

Making crafts can certainly slow down time. Even baking cookies can take up a whole afternoon. Get online for ideas, get the stuff, make a mess and create a tradition.

Make it Special

For my daughter, my husband has this show-her-the-finer-side-of-life theory of gift giving. He wants to head off any possibility that she will marry a folk singer. This is a palpable fear of his as she really likes the music. So he buys her nice things that a folk singer could not get her. For the longest time, she was the only five-year-old on the planet with pearls and she does cherish them. But the smart thing about getting one very special gift is that you’ve got an anchor. You don’t have to worry about adding too many other gifts, leaving more time for holiday enjoyment.

Be Thoughtful

People mention things they want all year long. You only have to listen. Besides the pearls example above, gifts don’t really have to cost a lot. For my dad, I’m scanning up old photos for a slide show. For my husband, I’m going to get his favorite book D-Day signed by the author. The time spent creating thoughtful gifts adds to the Christmas spirit.

Remember the Reason

The first year we moved here, I asked my children if they wanted to be angels and shepherds in the holiday procession at church. My son instantly was 100% sure he wanted to be a shepherd and said so. My daughter said, “I want to be a ballerina.”

I explained that 2000 years ago there were angels, shepherds, wise men, animals and Inn Keepers. There were no ballerinas.

“I want to be a ballerina,” she said again. I put my smart-mom noggin in gear.

“You mean a ballerina that wears a white dress and a tinsel halo?” I asked. She was two at the time and much easier to trick.

“Yes!” she replied. Problem solved.

We went to Holiday Mass with our Shepherd and Angel/Ballerina to say our thanks and remember the tiny baby who started it all. Christmas stood still for an entire hour.

Margee Moore is an advertising copywriter, mother of two and author of the iPhone book app Sleeping With the Laundry. Makes a great t0-me-from-me-love-me gift!

It’s been called the post-divorce rut, the single parent the rut, and a few other choice things…whatever you call it, one thing is for certain: it’s no fun being there.

I had been waiting and waiting and waiting for sixteen long months for my divorce to end. Every single day felt endless, like I was the smallest hamster on the hamster wheel. Motions, court dates, piles of attorney bills.
And then POOF!! SPUTTER!! SPUTTER!! It was done.

A simple stamp on my divorce decree that said “FINAL” branded me as a single mother, branded my daughter as the child of a divorced household, and branded her father as a single dad. It was surreal.

My first emotion? Being utterly, down to the bone, down to the marrow in my bones, tired. Not too tired to smile, mind you.

Friends took me out to celebrate. I had dinners, I had drinks, and, I had desserts. Lots of people called, visited, and emailed. It was a whirlwind. Then, a few weeks later, “regular life” started. And I had no idea what to do with it. Before, I would go home and there was so much stuff that had to get done. Now, on the two nights a week when I didn’t have my daughter, it occurred to me that not much really had to get done. I worked out. I walked to the bank. I went to the grocery store to get string cheese and apple juice. There was no hustle and no bustle unless I created it. I had waited so long for the divorce; and now that it was done, I didn’t know what I was supposed to do.

It was peculiar to me that marriage had somehow provided me with security and a sense of purpose. In actuality, my marriage did nothing to foster any of these attributes. In fact, the personality of my marriage had swallowed me whole with its negativity, its meanness, and its lack of loving. So I couldn’t figure out why it ever made me feel safe and settled. I guess matters of the heart often don’t make sense.

Somewhere in that twelve years with my ex-husband, I had lost myself. Granted, daily life as a single parent didn’t leave me with too much time for introspection. But I had a hollow feeling inside. A kind of emptiness. I was in a rut. Some days, I would drift off from whatever was happening around me; yet, I wasn’t thinking about anything either. On other days, I couldn’t feel anything; my emotions were a foggy gray mess, like over-cooked oatmeal. Then, I would do a complete 180 and I would be dying to be social, to meet new people (see previous post, ”My First Night Out as a Single Mom”).

But the empty feeling about not knowing who I really was still followed me. I buried myself in single motherhood and work for a few years before I got out of that rut.

In my next post, I’ll share how I did it.

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by Expert Mommy, Swati Bharteey

With all my heart, I truly believe that just as a child is conceived physically, an adopted child is conceived in the hearts of a mom and dad.

As an adoptive grandma (alias, Mimi), I witnessed that event in the hearts of my daughter, Lisa, and son-in-law, John, who adopted our precious grand daughter, Megan Grace, seven years ago. It so happened that I knew the birth mother and our daughter, Lisa, knew of her also.

Adoption Conception

When I told Lisa that this young woman was experiencing an unplanned pregnancy, she began weeping. Not sure, what was troubling her, I asked. She said she felt so burdened for the baby and for the birth mother. Gradually, she realized that those were the tears of motherhood. What a gift! I call this adoption conception!

Listen to another mother describe her adoption conception: “If I had to pick just one moment of absolute, unadulterated joy it would be the moment I saw her photo pop up on my computer screen. I kept saying, ‘That’s her, that’s my daughter, my daughter, my daughter!’ And, somehow in all the crazy excitement of the moment I felt my heart fold itself around her half a world away.”

Adoption Labor Pains

Then came the months of waiting. We prayed and prayed for the birth mother because we deeply loved her and this child. Since our kids already had a biological daughter, Ellie, age five at the time, she had to get used to the idea of having a sibling. We bought her a shirt that said, “I am the Big Sister” to give to her when the baby was born. Still, it was a tense time. Add to that the home studies and the whole nine yards of preparation and you can certainly call the waiting time “labor.”

Adoption Birth

The adoption itself occurred in an ideal manner. Both families were there for a special ceremony, when the birth mother handed Megan Grace over to Lisa and John. Even though it was a joyous occasion, and even though the birth mother had no doubts about her decision, nor did our kids, it was heart wrenching. To see our Megan’s beloved birth mother, belly still swollen from carrying her, hand her to someone else was more painful than any of us thought we could bear. That handing over could be likened to the head of a baby crowning as a delivering mother gives the final pushy at the point of birth. It’s a joyous time, but one of intense pain.

Adoption Blues

After the adoption was finalized, our kids were worn out from stress. So many in our culture believe that adopting a baby is so much easier than physically having a baby. What a misconception! I believe adoptive moms often experience a harder labor and delivery than physical birth. They deserve all the support and after care as someone who has just delivered a baby physically—maybe more.

Adoption Joy

As Megan’s Mimi, I can look back and say the pain was well worth it. Easy for me to say—I wasn’t the adoptive parents or the birth mother! I was simply a spectator.

However, what would our lives be without Megan? I love to get her smooshy “nose kisses” and hold her little hand in mine when we walk to see the duckies at the lake.

So, hats off to you, mom’s that have adopted or are contemplating adoption! Your heart will tell you whether you’re ready to adopt, and if it tells you you’re ready, fasten your seat belt. There is waiting, labor, and the pain of birth ahead. But oh, the JOY that awaits you!

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by Expert Mommy, Sherrie Eldgridge

“So Mom, do you want to play this game with me? You go first with the ‘I feel…’ part.”

“Okay…,” said distracted me to my eight-year-old daughter, who had been wanting to play a game. “I feel like eating ice cream.”

“I feel sad when my dad lies to me.”

Whoa. I stopped doing the dishes, while emptying the dishwasher, while making lunch, while cleaning off the counter, while changing the trash bag. We were playing a game, weren’t we?

Seeing the look on my face, my daughter said, ”Want me to read the instructions again?” And she continued without pause: “Talking about feelings hurts no one. If I say,’ I am angry,’ that doesn’t hurt you. If I say,’I am lonely,’ that lets you know me better. The secret is to start by saying, ’I think, I feel, I want.’ Ready Mom?”

I nodded.

But let me back up.

My daughter had gone to my desk in my pseudo-office in our living room. On it, she went to the *stack* of books (er…eight of them now) I am committed to doing reviews on. And she gravitated towards Liking Myself by Pat Palmer.

In case you are new to my single mom world, the summary is that her dad enjoys talking about me constantly when she is over there. It’s been almost seven years since my divorce and guess who was just in court again? Yes, me. This is one tumultuous divorce that keeps on giving.

“Okay mom, I’ll go again – but why don’t you come sit here with me? Ready?”

I nodded. Again.

And my little lovely says,” I want my mom to stop worrying about me.” Umm…okay? I can’t? I know you have it tough over there – so I’ll try not to? I pause for an eternity.

And then, my daughter and I have one of the best conversations we have ever had about feelings, desires, and goings on in her head – and in her heart. She reads the book, cover to cover, that Saturday.

Given our circumstances, I am constantly working on how to get her talking and get the “ouchies” out. But honestly, even if you don’t have such drama and want to help your child express him/herself, this is a great place to begin. This book made it so easy for us to talk (I would like to ask for a parent’s guide for when I’m floored though).

I could not possibly give this book higher marks if I tried. Liking Myself targets 5 to 9 years-olds in how it’s written (and obviously it works) and how it is visually depicted (the writing is printed like a kid or teacher write it neatly using the large lined paper I learned cursive on), with lots of simple sketches along the way (there are also books targeted to other age groups, like Teen Esteem).

Dr. Palmer is now in her eighties and these books have recently been brought back into print (thank goodness) by a friend, publishers, and fellow author, Dr. Louise Hart. This book has also been translated into five languages and the English version alone has sold over half a million copies.

I was also sent a second book by Dr. Palmer titled The Mouse, the Monster, and Me. It’s about being assertive (my daughter has no problem with this – I coulda used it when I was little though). The book is illustrated in the same manner – and I do recommend it as well – especially if your child’s assertiveness wanders into begging, whining, crying (“mouse behavior”), or hitting, shouting and sulking (“monster behavior”). The book helps kids ask for what they want and deserve (like respect) in productive and powerful ways.

Seriously, get the books. Links to purchase appear below.

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by Expert Mommy, Swati Bharteey

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by Expert Mommy, Swati Bharteey

First let me congratulate our big winner: Sarah Gaffney won the Dream Connection essay contest and a one thousand dollar shopping spree from ArtisticSensations.com! My favorite part of the essay was when Sarah wrote:

“Women can be an incredible support system for one another. Finding that one person who understands you, and inspires you doesn’t come along every day.”

What a lucky lady to have a friend like this… and to have WON! And just in time for Mother’s Day. Thank you, Sarah, for sharing your inspiring story and your mommy wisdom with all of us in the My Mommy Manual community. Your story truly reminded us of the power that comes when we support each other as moms!

Now on to how to spend that nice big sum of cash! I don’t think any of us would have trouble doing the honors. Artistic Sensations has adorable ideas for decorating children’s rooms and more. From wall stickies and wall letters to cool clocks and bedding for teens, I know I would be up to the task!

Check out where the lucky Sarah Gaffney spent her winnings:

Dinosaurs Sleeping Bag x 2

Deluxe Garage Play set

Play Table with Storage Bins

Cape Cod 3-Drawer Chest

Thanks to all that played, to our awesome four finalists, and finally, a BIG thank you to the hundreds of MMM readers that voted. we loved all your great comments. And last but not least, a HUGE thanks to owner Kim Gellman and everyone at ArtisticSensations.com for making DREAM CONNECTION a REALITY!

In 2006, I brought home triplets from the hospital. Suddenly, I went from a fairly normal life to 100% immersion in Mommy-world. Fortunately, my husband and I were helped by all kinds of wonderful people, who assisted us with round-the-clock feedings, diaper changes, doctors’ appointments, dishes, yard work and much much, more. But there were a few ‘mommies of multiples’ that really gave me the ‘mommy connection’ that I needed, and the encouragement that…YES, I COULD DO THIS!!!

Fast forward four years later. We moved away from Savannah, Georgia, where we lived then. Life has progressively gotten easier as the triplets are now four years old–wise, mature, school-goers with their own colored backpacks.

But about a month ago, a lady from Savannah called me up at my home here in Kentucky–she’s someone that my husband used to work with. She had just had twins (preemies) and was really needing some good advice and encouragement (her husband was about to get deployed too). We talk now about every week, and she asks me things, and I give her my best answer, and I just encourage her. She thanks me profusely, but here’s the truth…

…she’s helping me even more than I’m helping her, because she has allowed me to make the ‘mommy connection’ come full circle. And I can’t think of anything better!!!

My connection is with my mother in law. I was married at the age of 16 and didn’t know anything. I could barely dress myself and here I was a wife and soon to be mother. I couldn’t clean very well, I didn’t know how to cook anything and I was lonely and clueless. My mother in law saw in me what other people couldn’t or wouldn’t. They saw only a 16 year old girl who was pregnant and married. She saw a smart, tenacious young woman who wanted to be a good wife and mother. She helped me by teaching me how to cook and clean, and most of all, how to love my children and take care of them to the best of my ability. Without her I wouldn’t have made it. She had nine children and was a fountain of information and kindness.

My husband and I have now been married for 24 years and our children are all grown. They are happy, healthy, loving young men and I have my mother in law to thank for that. Now I have two grandsons, aged 2.5 and 7 months and have made my daughter in law a promise to teach her and nurture her and my grandsons with as much love as I was lucky enough to have.

Growing up as the only girl was tough for me.  I grew up as a tom-boy and wanted nothing to do with babies and playing house. I was the girl that said, “I’m never having kids.” It wasn’t until I grew up a bit and realized what a special blessing it is to raise a child.

I am blessed to say that I have 4 moms. My real mom, who is my best-friend, and her 3 sisters, who do not have girls of their own. Growing up we have always joked about me having so many moms, but I would not be the person I am today without them.  When I got married they were all right there with me helping me plan every step. My mom’s youngest sister was actually one of my bridesmaids.

When I found out I was pregnant two years ago I couldn’t wait to tell my mom. I cried and then we screamed together. It was the best moment of my life. Then when I hung up the phone I told my husband! I wanted to tell my aunts in a special way, so we decided to all go to our favorite Mexican restaurant. About halfway through our dinner I asked them when our next shopping trip was going to be because I needed to buy some maternity clothes. They were so excited. And that is when all the advice started pouring in. They checked on me it seemed like every day throughout my pregnancy. I would send out e-mails after every doctor’s visit and my mom went to almost all of my appointments with me. When it came time to deliver my daughter I asked my mom to come back with my husband and I because I could not imagine going through this without her. Of course she beat us to the hospital and 25 hours later I delivered my beautiful baby girl. My daughter had a rough first couple of months and my family was there every step of the way to help out, they brought food over, came and stayed with us for relief, and just called to check up on us. They let me know everyday what it is to be a mom and I wouldn’t be the mother I am today without all of these wonderful ladies. Now I have become one of the sisters, not a daughter or a niece, I’m one of them.  I cannot wait for my daughter to grow-up with them as an influence in her life. I know that they will help me mold her into a beautiful person inside and out.

The Dream Connection $1000 Shopping Spree

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