21 Weeks: Sex and Tears

First of all, thank you so much for all the nice comments.  I really am excited about meeting new people and learning all about motherhood!

So about the “sex and tears,” my husband Jason and I went to the doctor  this week. We were so excited to find out the sex.  I can’t tell you the sex just yet because we are trying to keep it a secret. Keep in mind, I’ve already slipped up five times, so you will know soon I’m sure. But it was so exciting to see our little baby. We call him/her “Skittles” because the baby was just a bite sized candy when we found out.

Skittles looked great.  We thought everything was fine…until the doctor came in.  He said they found what’s called a choroid plexus cyst in the baby’s brain fluid and that it is a “soft sign” for Down Syndrome.  And since I am 36, that means my chances of the baby having down syndrome jump to 1 in 62.  My heart sank.  I kept telling myself God is in control..don’t worry..it’s just a marker not a diagnosis…but it just changed my entire outlook.  Five minutes earlier I was joking with my husband about how the baby must be his because it looked like an all star basketball player jumping around in there, and had his high cheek bones and long legs.. Now, I was dead silent. I couldn’t look at him.

I held it together until I was alone and then the tears came.

That was Tuesday. Two days later, I feel much better. I read these cysts are common and they usually go away and mean nothing. I go back in four weeks to see if it is still there. I can take a screening test but I don’t think I will. I hear there are so many false positives. Besides, I would keep the baby no matter what.

I can’t say I’m worry free, but I’m not obsessing over it.

I have so much to share but I will save it for next time. I just got my hands on a flip cam too so I can talk to you face to monitor. I’m pretty comfortable with that 🙂

Until then, let me know if you have any questions. Especially you first time moms to be!

-Virginia Kerr

*You’re invited to a baby shower for Virginia on Wednesday, August 25. More details.


  1. Virginia,
    I have chills from head to toe. This is truly the path of motherhood… twists and turns from the start. Motherhood, a true test in acceptance if ever there was one.

    The peace you are sourcing is amazing. I feel the inner calm you are creating for yourself in being with the news of the cyst and I am so happy you are there. I have to ask how you are getting to this place though. As a first time mom I remember the tendency to over worry. I am SOOOOO happy to see you sourcing this peace for yourself and sharing it here with other first-time and not-so-first-time moms.

    I have you, your sweet baby and your husband in my thoughts. Can’t wait for your next post (and the day you get a camera in your hands for vlogging!)

    ps: I too did not take the extra tests though i was 39 and carrying twins – and for the same reasons as you mention above. 🙂

  2. VirginiaKerr says:

    I would have to say my peace comes from my faith in God. Trusting Him, that He knows what’s best for me. I also remind myself that any stress I feel, the baby feels. It does no good to worry about something that may not happen and cause the baby to be stressed. I just feel blessed to be able to carry a baby.

    Also, my sister in law is pregnant. She is due two days before me. This weekend last year she and I were getting married together to two wonderful brothers in a double wedding ceremony. Sharing that wonderful day our first pregnancies together has been incredible.

    Today she has to go see a specialist because doctors may have to take her baby in as soon as three weeks. We are only 21 weeks pregnant! This is her first baby, too. She was told at our check up Tuesday that she has a parasitic twin that is taking blood from the baby and she is very high risk.

    Her situation is so scary and I spend my time thinking of her more than of me.


  3. Carrie Edelstein says:

    Try not to stress much over either situation… as you said, it’s out of your hands, and you can only remain positive at this point. I worry over everything, but the truth is there’s only so much you can do. You must stay strong for little Skittles, which by the way, I kind of like that name for real!!

    My doctor is high risk and wonderful if your sister-in-law needs someone. You are all in my thoughts and prayers.

  4. Wise words, Carrie. Simple yet not easy, right?

    I can relate to your peace, my friend. Sometimes, I get the sneaking suspicion that the most trying times of my life occurred specifically so that I WOULD “lift it up,” and surrender to the reality that I could not do it alone. And finally, when I admit that, kicking and screaming, then Grace finds me.

    Like when Anne Lammott says she writes “Help!” on a little scrap of paper and puts it in God’s inbox.

    Lots of prayers coming your way for your family!

  5. Gene Bannister says:


    The Lord has a plan, even if we do not know it or understand it. Our family enjoys watching you on the news and our prayers are with you and your husband. A child is a blessing, having raised three with my wife, and no matter what God delivers unto you, know it is a blessing and you will find strength you never knew you had. All the best.

  6. Virginia,
    Stay positive, I remember finding out the sex of my baby last August and being so excited and the doctor coming in and telling us the same exact thing, I was only 29 at the time and asking me all sorts of questions about my health and what not. I did what I could to try and hold back the tears but after following up with my OB at my next appt she said it’s very common and nothing to stress over. I declined the further testing as well. I have an almost 6 month old beautiful happy little girl.

  7. Your story of the ultrasound, first child and choroid plexus cyst take me back over 13 years ago…..I understand your feelings and I too trusted in God. I was only 24 and very scared. We had wonderful doctors and way too many internet articles. I have a healthy happy daughter who will be 13 next week. The cyst was gone by the third trimester.

    Technology is a wonderful thing and I pray all the advances in medical care along with trust in God will bring a healthy outcome for your sister-in-law.

    Blessings to you all!

  8. First of all you are AMAZING. and you are not alone. You never know if the baby will have DS or not, but if he/she does I know this baby will be so lucky b/c she/he will be so loved. My g/f #6 has DS. He is 2 now and so beautiful. He stole the show at my wedding & I couldn’t be happier b/c he was such a witness to love & life.
    All the best. Know that people who know you & those who don’t are surrounding you with love.

  9. Heather says:

    I had the exact same experience during one of my pregnancies. My ultrasound was done at a high risk clinic so they immediately rushed me in for the test where they removed via needle amniotic fluid. It was a surreal experience. We found out a few days later that our baby did not have downs (or any other genetic problem). I became irritated as I read online that many people believe choroid plexus cysts are a normal part of brain development that just happen to be caught on modern ultrasounds. I hope your experience turns out the way ours did. Our daughter is now a happy, healthy two year old.

  10. VirginiaKerr says:

    Thank you so much for all the encouraging comments! I have a chance to get a bonus ultrasound tomorrow. We’ll see if the cyst is still there and I will update you. Seriously, you have no idea how much better I feel after reading your comments! Thank you!